A Silver Lining

Once again, a long time since I've posted a new update.

So as a some of you know, in January I started my new Mary Kay business!! :) As a new Independent Beauty Consultant, I was very excited to talk to my family and friends and people on the street about my new business and have them try the products that I had tried and fallen in love with. Of course my family and friends would support me, they stand behind me on everything else that I do, right?

Wrong.

While my wonderful mother (who was wary about my taking on yet ANOTHER responsibility) supported me by helping me host my first party with my sister and grandmother, all of which bought products, they didn't share my immediate enthusiasm. Thankfully, they have come around and while they still may not be enthused about Mary Kay like I am just yet, they support me whole-heartedly and my sister binges on new products and samples on her down days. :P
My friends were another story. While a few of them were very supportive and excited for me, willing to come to parties and try the products, even if they couldn't buy anything, and to those people I am extremely grateful. Because of the few of you (and you know who you are) who have supported me thus far, I have experience and knowledge from my trial and error that I would not have, had I not been able to host parties with attendees. Those of you who have expressed enthusiasm, excitement and encouragement for me as I take this new step toward my future, you have helped me in more ways than you can know. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

However, there was still a large pool of people, the majority of my friends wouldn't return my calls or texts inviting them to my Mary Kay parties or to come over to hang out and play with makeup. They would respond to everything else I would contact them about: friend gatherings, going out, karaoke, getting coffee, etc. but whenever I mentioned makeup or Mary Kay, they would shut me out. Pretend to miss or not see my calls, and "forget" to reply to my texts. People would even comment on every Facebook status I posted, except the Mary Kay ones. Maybe they had their reasons, reasons I will never understand and probably never know since they never told me. But there is absolutely nothing worse than walking on unfamiliar ground and feeling like you're totally alone in it, with everyone silently watching you from the sidelines, waiting for you to blow it.

This was incredibly discouraging and damaging to me. It hurt that people I thought cared about me couldn't support me in this. Its a brave and scary thing to decide to be an entrepreneur, to take your future and your financial situation into your own hands. You really need people backing you up with praise and encouragement. They didn't seem to understand that although having them buy products would be nice, it wasn't what I really wanted from them. I just wanted them to be excited for me, to come to a party or to hang out one-on-one and allow me to practice on them by having them try the products so I could prepare for interacting with strangers. I would ask them to bring friends, because even if they didn't want to buy anything, they could introduce me to new people who might. Plus, if they were friends I didn't know, I could get experience interacting with strangers with my friend standing by as my safety net. Knowing they wouldn't judge me if I stumbled along in my introduction, or if I accidentally messed up the order of the facial or put the wrong foundation color on someone. But apparently, this seemed too much to ask for.

This could open a whole new can of worms where they may argue that I'm not actively involved in their lives, so why should I expect them to be involved in mine? My simple answer is that the road goes both ways. Life is crazy, and even though I may not be involved in their lives all the time, every step of the way, if they ever asked for my help, I would be there, giving all I am capable of in the moment it takes to whisper my name. All I ask, is for that same need to be returned.

I finally got sad, cried, got angry, yelled, and then decided I was done with dealing with people I knew who didn't want to help me out, even in the smallest and free-est forms. It was time to hit the streets.

But first, I went to Career Conference in Chicago this past weekend. A conference where all the MK beauty consultants, red jackets, directors and nationals in the area come for a weekend of inspiration, encouragement and revitalization. Although I was exhausted, downtrodden, and ready to give up, I forced myself to go (because, well, I'd already paid) and it was well worth it. I came home refreshed, with a new attitude, a new outlook, new friends and new inspiration, ready once again to take on the world! :)

My name tag and awarded ribbon extensions. :)



So far, I've achieved star status with Mary Kay and will be receiving my Mary Kay pin with a ladder and real sapphire stone (for my birthday month of September) in the mail any day now. Super excited about it!! I also earned my first prize and chose the new and super cute MK starter tote. :)



The bag is on the left, the cute little organizer insert is what is on the right. I. Can. Not. WAIT to get it in the mail!!! :) :) :)

In other news, I'm joining in the Spring Make Over competition, so whoever would like to get a free makeover, let me know! You would really be helping me out!! The consultant with the most make overs wins. They get a voucher for their next order, a free ticket to seminar in Texas, and/or $500-$5,000 to donate to a charity of their choice! :)

To those who have been faithful readers, despite my unfaithfulness so far at updating you on my craze-filled life, thank you. Any words of kindness or thoughts would be much appreciated. :)

All my love,

~Cassie

So its been a long time...

So its been a long time since I came around
Nothing familiar to be found
Except the faces, but they all have changed
And nothing looks quite the same

- Song by me in progress

So as usual, I haven't posted anything in a really long time.

Just a brief summary of what's going on with me in my super adventurous life:

I'm entering the Maurice's Main Street Model contest! First modeling contest I've ever entered, and I'm really excited about it. Voting opens February 27th and goes through March 19th. You can cast one vote a day, so I'm counting on all of you to vote for me daily! For each vote cast you are entered for a chance to win a gift from Maurices. :) If I win, I get to be in one of Maurice's modeling fashion photoshoots, I win a shopping spree at Maurices, and get to donate money to my favorite charity.

Last night I auditioned for the play "Alice In Wonderland" at my local community theater. Just the audition process itself was so fun, Anita does a really great job, I was very impressed by her. I saw a lot of old friends that I would love to take the stage with again. Hoping I get a part that I really like! All the parts look like a lot of fun and each has at least one line (totes to Anita for making every part desirable) but the parts I want most are Alice, The Mad Hatter, The Red Queen, Cheshire Cat, or the Blue Caterpillar. They would just be such fun parts to have. :)

I've taken on a third job as a Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant! So far, I've been having a lot of fun and have been surprised by my success. I needed extra income since everyone's hours at Kwikstar were cut by about 50% the first week in December. 75% morelike for me. I went from having 25-35 hours to 6-12 hours. God seemed to bring along Marcia (my Mary Kay mentor) and just work things out. I'm hoping I'm successful with my new endeavor and I hope you all support me! If you would like to host a Mary Kay party (its free and you can invite 5 of yours friends), let me know! I teach skin care and a little color at the parties, you get to sample the products, and just have fun time with friends/family. Its free, and if you host the party, you receive a hostess gift! Also, I'm having a starter deal that for every person you invite, you get 10% off a product. So if you can get 5 guests to attend, that's 50% off each product that you order! Also, I have a website that you can view products on and order if you like: http://www.marykay.com/cassiemyost

I've been writing a lot of new songs lately and have been trying to set them all to music and polish them up. I finally decided that music is what I really want to do, and I feel that God can use me to be a light to others with my music. I don't categorize myself into a Christian Pop genre or Mainstream, because some of my songs don't have God in them but some of them do, and I think that's okay. Each song is a personal expression of something. Sometimes just a feeling, sometimes an experience or a dream, or a turning point. Anyway, I'm really praying and hoping I can record my CD this summer! I'm taking voice lessons and saving as much money as I possibly can. I'm also getting a new ukulele! Professional quality with a tweed case to haul it to my future shows. :)

As always, I have big dreams and hope that you can all support me with prayer and encouragement.

My mantra for this month has been this:

Always look to the Father. Though you may stumble, He will always steady you, and if you should fall, He will carry you the distance.

Lost Causes

God is so good! He heals the brokenhearted, He sets the sinner free, He makes the lame to walk, and the blind to see. For Him there are no lost causes.

Today is a good day. Understatement of the year. But today I was witness to my brother and father making a conscious effort to communicate and succeeding. That is a huge leap in the right direction. It was such a blessing to me, and I was so blessed to be apart of that moment. I can only hope that God will continue to nurture their father-son relationship into one that is glorifying to Him and that He will continue to use me to reach out and extend His love to my family in my role as an older sister and a daughter.

I love my family so much. I am so blessed to have parents who are so on fire for Christ, who love each other, working at their marriage everyday, and who love us, their children unconditionally, showing us God's love through them. They are such an example to me of what I should be. They have their flaws and are readily able to confess to them. But their flaws partnered with their humbleness are part of what make me respect and love them so much.

I am blessed with a wonderful older sister and brother-in-law who I know have got my back and support me everyday, even though I don't get to see them as often as I would like. Their personalities, humor and love for each other are lighthouses for me.

My brother, so kind, generous, smart and willing to sacrifice himself to help others is so encouraging to me, and a reminder that I could learn to be more selfless.

I can only hope to be such a nurturer and light to my sister, brother and parents.

God can leave me speechless. I can only say that I am blessed, to say the least. I pray that He will continue to bring us closer together, using each of us and our own unique gifts to bond our family into a tight-knit union, all on fire for Him, and serving Him each day.

Once again I rejoice:

God is so good! He heals the brokenhearted, He sets the sinner free, He makes the lame to walk, and the blind to see. For Him, there are no lost causes.

There are no lost causes. He will carry me.

Holly Golightly

I've decided for Halloween that I'm going to be Holly Golightly. Holly has been my alias for a number of things, writing, music, etc. I've debated between being Ms. Golightly or Ms. Roseveare as my last name, but decided to follow the footsteps of my most beloved literary inspiration, Holly Golightly.


I've debated between this dress and the classic full length black dress Holly wears on her visit to Tiffany's.




I'd also considered being a Zombie. Maybe I'll be zombie Holly Golightly. I don't know. Or save it for next year. Or just throw a Zombie party. :P

Happy Birthday To Me

Semi-good news: I'm turning 22 today. Good because God has blessed me with another year full of friends and family and blessings. Bad, because I'm getting older and I still haven't done even half of the things I want to do yet.

Very bad news: Oliver, my sweet babycakes kitty has fleas for the first time in the 14 years of his life. Found one on my sweater after hugging him when I got home from work last night. I thought it was a gnat and tried to squish it. It didn't squish. Instead it jumped and landed in my bathroom sink where I really really squished it with my thumb ("Eeeeek! Die, die!"), after which I examined it on my thumb.

Freaked.

I grabbed Oliver and put him in a headlock and searched his fur. I found one on his head and rushed him outside again, not bothering to look for more, holding him at arms length like a time bomb. I woke my mom up and had her check my hair and my bed. All clear. Thank the Lord I went with pastel blue sheets and a white comforter instead of dark purple. We researched fleas and cures a little on our laptops, apparently the cycle and treatment of fleas is a lot like that of head lice. Ew.

I set Oliver up in the garage with his litter box, luring him in with some canned cat food as a sort of apology for throwing him back outside after it'd been raining all day. My baby is sleeping on an old pillow. :( I miss him curled up above my head.

I fell asleep praying/begging God to pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease let this be an easy fix and not an infestation. I have a phobia of bugs in my house and my things and on me. The first year we had earwigs, my mother woke up to find me going bat crazy in our kitchen, spraying Ortho Home Defense Max everywhere. Puddles of Otho with writhing earwigs in the center dotted the floor like a mine field. I was uncontrollable, irrational, and sleep deprived.

So. Hopefully he just got them last night. I didn't search long but in my opinion 2 fleas = 4 or more in this case. Any prayers are appreciated.

I have to go as the Vet clinic just opened and I'm going to hog their phone line.

*sigh* Happy birthday to me.

Transformed or still a Transformer?

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. ~ Romans 12:2

Transformation was the topic of last Thursday night's Basic bible study in Lang Hall on the UNI campus.

First off, let me just say that I have been putting Basic off for a while. Mainly because I prefer smaller groups of study, where you can converse, discuss and bond. I wrote of Basic because the one time I went before, I didn't enjoy it. I don't know why, maybe it was the dark lighting (but I'm in dark lighting all the time whenever I go out with friends), or maybe it was that it was too much like a Sunday Morning service. Whatever the excuse, I didn't return for over a year. My friends had all been encouraging me to try it again, and inviting me. But I always found some reason not to: I was sick, or too tired, or had a migraine, or had too much to get done, or had too early of a morning.

This Thursday didn't start out much different. I got up at 5am, went to work 6am-2pm, ran some errands and came home around 4pm to collapse into my bed for a long nap. Grumpy, I said I didn't feel like going anywhere when my mom asked if I was going to go to Basic tonight. "No one will appreciate my presence when I'm so crabby." I said. She told me to take a nap, and see how I felt later, because I always regretted not going the next day.

I woke up feeling a lot better and headed over to Lampost to have dinner with some girls who had invited me earlier that week. We had delicious food, and a lot of laughs. Afterward, Chelsea, Sarah and I walked down to Lang hall. It was a beautiful evening, I breathed in the cool air, and was feeling refreshed and happy in the company of my friends.

We met more friends at Basic and sat with them. The worship music started (my favorite part), and I knew the first two songs, but not so much the ones after them. I'm always a little annoyed when I don't know the music, because musical worship is my favorite and when I don't know the material, I feel as though I can't participate.

The teaching started, but was opened up with a video a student had made of other students explaining what they thought Transformation meant. It was then followed with this video:

*****Watch on Youtube in full screen view for the ultimate effect. When I embedded the video on my post, it shrunk the screen and cuts out some of the picture******

This video grabbed my attention. My attitude had been pretty negative and selfish up until this point. I think this is what God used to really grab a hold of me and say "Hey! This isn't about you. This is about Me. Pay attention, you might learn something if you stop thinking and start listening."

So I listened. I hadn't considered that maybe, despite my previous crabbiness, God might appreciate my presence of body and mind. After the video ended, our speaker took the stage and brought up a sentence that said "Being transformed is conforming to the image of God for the sake of others."

I thought about this. I always said I didn't care what others thought about me. Which is great if you're using that to back up your shouting God's name from the mountains. But it doesn't apply if you keep God inside your heart and mind only, as a private thing, because you don't want to deal with the controversy it might produce. Conforming to God's image for the sake of others. Did that mean that I was supposed to let God shine through me so others could see? Wasn't I already doing that? Maybe not as brightly as some, but I definitely was not hiding my light under a bushel. Or was I?

After that, Romans 12:2 dominated the screen: "Be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

I think up until this point, I was in the foolish mindset that I was already transformed. Already on fire for God. Boy, did He show me.

Following that verse was this concept: Jesus is completely desirable and reliable.

The speaker asked us to think about how this verse made us feel. Did we agree with it wholeheartedly, with feelings and thoughts along the lines of "God is so good, He provides" or "God has let me down. I feel I can't trust Him sometimes."

I found that I fell under the latter. Being a list maker, and a control freak (just a little. :P), I knew that there were many days where I would wave God away saying "Don't worry about it, God, I've got this. I've got it all planned out." Silly me. My plans always fell through, and when they did, I got angry with God for not helping me out. If only I had asked for His guidance and surrendered all to Him in the first place, the outcome would surely have been worth while and honoring to His name.

Following that was Philippians 1:6: "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Indeed He will. Despite my continued struggle against God, He hadn't given up on me. He was working on me, and tonight, He was taking me by storm.

The worship leader took the stage and shared a very personal story about how he had always had the great image: A worship leader, a youth group teacher, always involved, parents wanting their younger children to hang out with him and be more like him. But underneath he had a secret: He was utterly and completely addicted to pornography. Yet, rather than give this up to God, he tried to cover it up with a good image, good deeds and good words to try and weigh out his imperfections. One day, God spoke to him through scripture saying "You aren't perfect. You can't just use me to get into Heaven and then think that I'm done with you, that I'm not going to help you out from here, and you have to go it alone. Though saved by God, you are still a sinner. Your works are still selfish and filthy. Without me, they are nothing. You can't make your own plan and expect it to carry out when I'm not involved. I have a great and wonderful plan for you. You are not alone in this."

This hit me hard. This guy was exactly like me in the sense that he was trying to be a "good Christian" by heaping up the good deeds, through works alone to achieve the image of God. Making lists, and plans, without consulting God in prayer, asking for His help and guidance, or reading His word. I was still a sinner, though saved by God, but a sinner, filthy and dirty and alone without Him.

If this wasn't enough to get my attention and get my emotions flowing, we followed up with more worship songs. Music is my favorite form of expression and worship, and the lyrics of the songs and their meaning, and how they applied to me sent me over the edge. I felt the fire light within my soul again. My rising soul caused me to rise to my feet with others, and I felt my hands reach upwards towards God as I sang the words:

"Forever Reign"

(Verse 1)

You are good

You are good

When there's nothing good in me

You are love

You are love

On display for all to see

You are light

You are light

When the darkness closes in

You are hope

You are hope

You have covered all my sin

(Verse 2)

You are peace

You are peace

When my fear is crippling

You are true

You are true

Even in my wandering

You are joy

You are joy

You're the reason that I sing

You are life

You are life

In You death has lost its sting

(Chorus)

Oh I'm running to Your arms

I'm running to Your arms

The riches of Your love

Will always be enough

Nothing compares to Your embrace

Light of the world forever reign

(Verse 3)

You are more

You are more

Than my words will ever say

You are Lord

You are Lord

All creation will proclaim

You are here

You are here

In Your presence I'm made whole

You are God

You are God

Of all else I'm letting go

(Bridge)

My heart will sing

No other name

Jesus Jesus

I hadn't felt this on fire since years back when I fell to my knees in the auditorium of TeenPact Nationals after a moving sermon almost 3 years ago, maybe longer. My soul was lifted, my arms lifted, I felt as though I was flying. And I could feel God holding me as the tears ran down my cheeks as I, the prodigal son ran to His arms.

I'd been so terrified. My life was already going through so many transformations. Becoming single, going to school, dropping out of school to do music, losing friends and gaining new ones, family transitions, both good and bad. I was already trying to clean my life out of all the bad influences, and fill it with good people, influences and practices. I was trying to start fresh, but it all felt so fake. But I was trying to do it all alone, following my own plan, and lists, and ideas. But somehow, I still felt so alone, and tired. Frustrated and alienated by God. Only it was I who had left God behind.

I was terrified of giving it all up to God and what He might ask me to do. To say. And that I would be persecuted. But now, I felt at peace, my fears chased away by the simple reminder that God is good, so good. He will take are of me, He will not leave me alone to fend for myself, He will always carry me when it becomes too much for me to stand. He will lead my way, not send me into the maze alone.

This song is my new anthem for my heart's transformation that night. When I already thought I was transformed, I realized that I am still a transformer. I want to know God's plan for me, rather than make my own. I want to rely on God alone, knowing His plan will succeed and He will always prevail, where I would normally fail.

Jesus. I give it up to you. I am running to your arms, the riches of Your love will always be enough. Nothing compares to Your embrace, Light of the World forever reign in my life. Show me the way, what to say, guide me in the plan You have for me. My heart will sing no other name. Catch me when I'm falling, help me to stand, and carry me when I can't. You are so good. Transform me into the woman You've made me to be. Help me to always be a transformer, to always be searching for Your truth, to fully trust You and to always be open to the changes You have for me in this life. Keep this fire lit in me, please feed it. Never let it be put out.

****Originally Written September 18th about September 15th. I just never got around to posting it on here****

Acetone, Gelato, A Cat Fight and Tylenol

Oh, how do I get myself into these predicaments?

Between working two jobs, working out, socializing and sleeping in my space time when I'm not working, my nails have suffered. Chipped, with a band of grown-out color on the tips, I die a little each time I look at them. Yet I refuse to go without polish. Why? Because, like an idiot, I refuse to wear a base coat, thus allowing the color I wear to stain my nails an ugly shade of reddish yellow. Though I have found if I paint them their complementary color (color opposite of them on the color wheel to those of you who aren't artists), it cancels out most of the stain. I've also filed them before, but this just makes them stain darker when I repaint and leaves them scratched.

Anyway. Who knew you could write a whole paragraph on the effects of nail polish alone? The point: Do NOT repaint your nails while sitting withing 5 feet of your laptop on the same level. If you absolutely cannot get by without a little background noise of Pandora (like myself), sit on the bathroom floor with your laptop perched on the sink. Otherwise, like me, you will probably make the mistake of accidentally nudging your removing with your elbow and watching as it tips in slow motion, spilling over your keyboard.

Note. I did this not once, but twice. I do not learn from my mistakes...uhg.

The first time, I was remarkably lucky. After spilling half a bottle of acetone nail polish remover on the keyboard and screen of my laptop ("Eek!!"), clawing off the casing and removing the hardrive, and then spending a half hour blasting it with my hair dryer ("Oh, please God, pleasepleaseplease..."), it survived and even the screen was okay. What a trooper, my Alice! :)

The second time...not so lucky. Remembering my first mistake, I placed my remover a supposedly safe distance of 1 1/2 feet away from my laptop. Silly me. I spilled it just as I was polishing off my second coat. Down it went, safely away from spilling completely onto the keyboard, but I hadn't taken splatter-distance into consideration. Blotting it with tissues, I hoped for the best. After a half hour, the keys selectively stopped working. The most important ones of course. Caps lock, c (copy), v (paste), r, s, t, n and a (the top 5 letters you first guess when playing Hangman) and the Ctrl key. Awesome.

After copy and pasting the missing letters into a Facebook status that took me ten minutes to write, I called my dad and asked him to accompany me to the iTech store in town. In case you've never been there, its a Jekyll and Hyde experience. There is one very nice and accommodating guy, and one very rude and aggravating one. I took my dad with me as a manly kind of incentive to give me what I wanted (hehe).

I'd been told the casing was on recall. It had several cracks and I found online that I was not the only one experiencing this, and many had gotten their cases replaced for free. Since the casing was attached to the keyboard, many got a free keyboard as well. Yay! So we went in, explained the issues with the casing, tactfully leaving out the detail about how the keyboard didn't work. Sneaky, I know. :P No problem, they'd replace it and have it back to me after the weekend. Huzzah!

We celebrated by walking down Main St. (gorgeous day) and I treated my father to Scratch Bakery's ah-mazing cupcakes, gelato and freshly squeezed lemonade. Heaven. A perfect spot of sunshine to the afternoon. :) If you've never been to Scratch Bakery and had their cupcakes. Go. But I warn you, they will ruin commoner cupcakes for the rest of your life. Also, they are the only place I know of in the Cedar Valley that sells Gelato: Italian Ice Cream. Less fat, less air, creamy heaven in a cup or smoothie, and sorbetto flavors provided as well! If any of you have read Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, you'll remember how she raved about it for about 5 pages.

See other photos and read an article about Scratch Bakery at The Connection.

In other news, I came home from work one night to be informed by my parents that Oliver, my cat (aka my baby, babycakes, cutie wootie, Cat, my pride & joy, etc) was in a fight earlier that night. Apparently, while enjoying the night air on our porch, Oliver was jumped by a stray black and white tom cat. Not being much of a fighter, I'm guessing he didn't have much choice in putting his paws up. Mom said she and dad were enjoying a leisurly night of reading when they heard the cat screams and ran to the door to find Oliver rolling around on the sidewalk with this cat who was about 2 sizes bigger than him. Mom ran to get a flashlight and dad started throwing his shoes at the other cat from a safe distance, as he was wearing no shoes himself and donned in only his pajamas. :P Oliver was pretty quiet afterwards, and I was filled with pride by my parents' courageous attempts to save our cat, despite the common complaints of cat hair and a smelly litter box.

Lastly, dispite the fight I've put up to avoid sickies like the plague, keeping them at a 5 foot radius space bubble, I'm sick. No idea how I caught it. Probably from touching something and then my face. Gross. Its a mild cold, but still disabling and leaves me feeling foggy and weak most of the day. Reminds me of this new movie coming out soon that I want to see oh so bad!

Finally off to sleep, I can feel the meds kicking in. :) Goodnight blogging world.