Its Just Another Manic Monday...

C'mon...wake up. 




You can do it. 




Your desk is not a pillow. 


 
(I literally counted to 10 three times today after snoozing my alarm 3 times before I finally fell out of bed because I wanted a shower before work). 



Ah, Mondays. Your pungent aroma is a bittersweet reality that I do not readily wish to accept.

Forward Motion

Those who voted for Mitt Romney and not Obama as well as other candidates: You are entitled to be disappointed. You are entitled to be worried about the future (as honestly, all of us are). You are entitled to your own opinions. What you are NOT entitled to is being sore losers, calling those of us who did vote for opposing candidates sinners/murderers/traitors/unpatriotic, etc. You are NOT entitled to say "Obama had his chance and failed miserably, he did not make any changes, progress, blah blah blah" when there are so many unwilling to work with the Left or compromise for the bettering of this country, and so many have turned a blind eye on all the positive progress he has made in the last 4 years. Granted, he, as well as other political leaders, has made his share of mistakes as all humans and leaders do. I am also not saying I 100% agree with everything Obama stands for, but then its impossible to find a candidate that you can side 100% with on all issues. If you do, you are a freak of nature (sarcasm).

While you have the RIGHT and FREEDOM to say/think/feel these things, you are NOT entitled and know that it does not reflect well on you, your party or your candidates moral standing or ability to successfully and credibly lead this country to greater heights. I wish there could be some way for us to get rid of sides, to work TOGETHER rather than AGAINST each other. I wish we could have (dare I say it?) peace between political parties, officials, citizens. Alas, I think too many enjoy a good fight (note I did not use the word debate as that would mean saying that everyone is capable of having open and peaceful discussions and sharing of ideas, rather than stomping each other into the ground trying to change minds and be right).

This isn't about BEING right. Its about DOING right. Those who were elected were elected because they got the most votes. It was fair and square. There was no cheating (though I personally witnessed underhanded attempts and dirty politics). I commend those who have taken this defeat graciously and maturely. To those who have been openly pouting, bashing our elected leader and those who support him, shame on you. Shame on you especially if your plan is to continue to slam down every attempt our leaders make toward progress and new ideas over the next 4 years. There seriously needs to be some re-evaluation of how we conduct ourselves in times like these because more often than not, common courtesy is thrown out the window in favor of bigotry and ignominy.

A quote from a good friend of mine that was posted the night of our victory:

"Tomorrow, I will preach about hands across the aisle, and working together. Tomorrow, I will say nice stuff about working together for America.

But today?
Today I will quote YOUR candidate and say that I am proud of only half my country (and that's generous, since he discounted way more of us). Today I will say that I am proud I did not vote for someone who believes rape is a gift from God or t

hat women are to blame for it. Today I will rub it in that we get four more years of Obama while you get four more years of being a hypocrite and calling yourself a patriot while not supporting our elected leader. Today is payback for all the things I've been called for being a compassionate person (aka, liberal) and caring more about equal rights than whether or not we're facing imminent financial demise (which, hello, would have been the case no matter who was elected). Today I'll be excited that we have an openly gay Senator, that three four states voted to allow gay marriage, and that bigotry and ignorance and hate didn't win.
But tomorrow, tomorrow...I will go back to accepting YOUR views even though you've spent the last four years trashing mine."

I, personally, am very pleased with the election results and will be celebrating Jeff Danielson's win at Octopus whenever he announcing the time/date of his Victory Party. Last night was a great night of celebration, the air was filled with energy, an excited static you could practically feel, and there were cheers and tears of happiness when Obama was announced the elected President and Iowa turned blue. I am proud and so glad I was able to be apart of it.

Now, I hope we can face forward, settle differences and come to the table ready to work together for positive changes that need to be made if we want to continue rising up rather than dangerously spiraling downward as we were four years ago.

Celebrating moving FORWARD!

Some things that you need to know...

One of my supervisors at the Church brought this into me and I thought I'd share it. Read only if you can appreciate a good joke or consider yourself to have some remote sense of humor.


Some Things You Need To Know

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)

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A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

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A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

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Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Do not try this at home....maybe at work.)

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The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the males head off. ("Honey, I'm home.")

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The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes...can you imagine??)

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The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty at the bottom of a pond?)

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Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity.)

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Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I've always wanted to know.)

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The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmm.....)

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Elephants are the only animal that cannot jump. (Ok, so that would be a good thing....)

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A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

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An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)

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Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.)

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Polar bears are left-handed. (Looks like lefties have a new mascot!)

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Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)


Happy Hump Day everyone!

It may seem cliché, but hey, its my life.

Count the starts in the sky
each one shining so far away
Count the flecks in my eyes
each one a memory to stay

Some things that at first seem so small
are really big and outshine them all
its hard to believe I've come this far
from where I once was, I'm a shining star
_________________

I just wrote that. And I like it, or the idea of it at least. Calling yourself a shining star may seem reminiscent of some middle school sentiment that some teacher once preached to her students but it describes how I truly feel right now and have felt these past two weeks.

Months ago (about January through July), if you'd asked me if I was happy, I probably would have smiled and said "Of course!" and added under my breath, "...happy enough".

I'd shut myself up in a closet, a cloud blocking my light if you will, and decided that where I was at was where I was at, it sucked and there wasn't much I could do about it.

Umm, hello self, since WHEN have I ever been the throw-in-the-towel, party-in-my-backyard-pool-of-pity, settling kind of woman? Never. That's when.

I'd always been a self-driven, self-motivated, confident, independent, passionate, outspoken and free-spirited, strong woman. But somehow now I felt deflated, discouraged and depressed. D. D. D. All bad things and bad feelings to have pretty much all of the time. Ever since leaving MUDD in May of this year and once again joining the crazy each-man-for-himself dog fight of the job hunt, I'd quickly lost the majority of my drive and had a huge chuck of confidence bit out of me.

For one, it was hard for me to admit that I was incapable of doing phone sales (actually, its hard for me to admit that I'm incapable of doing anything) and that calling up car dealers trying to sell them advertising made me want to constantly slit my wrists and die (not literally. Just so you're not freaking out thinking I'd gone suicidal or something). That's where reality and the competitive job market took a big bite out of my shoulder.

Normally, job hunting wouldn't be a difficult task for me. I'm very hirable (I know, I know, not a word, but it is now. And not to toot my own horn, but *toot toot*) and normally wouldn't be unemployed for more than 2 weeks tops. So at first I was fine. But the difference this time is that I was joining a more competitive group of job hunters: I was leveling up and looking for a full-time job that would pay me $10 an hour at least. Paid time off and benefits were pluses but not necessities. However, the fact that I didn't have a college degree (so much for my all-nighters in high school for A's that I thought were the difference between life and death ever doing me any good) and very little to no experience as an administrative secretary (the best paying line of work I'd chosen that I felt I was most qualified for that didn't involve having to go back to school to dig a deeper hole of debt) made it almost impossible to get noticed. Thanks to technology taking over the world, most applications are now online, so meeting your possible future employer face to face is about as probable as having a beer with the President of the United States at a local pub (oh wait, that actually happened!). If I was contacted at all, it was usually to tell me "Thank you for your interest, blah blah blah, we had a lot of applicants, blah blah blah, you don't have enough experience, yada yada yada". Eventually these responses to my meager resume and skills started to sound a lot like the adults from Peanuts (wawawa).

At some point I finally got fed up with my anxiety and depression tendencies (I was so sick of being stuck around myself) that I finally made the decision to see a therapist/life coach. I know many people's opinions of psychologists are negative, but I was at the end of my rope. Me, someone who always had a plan, and a plan B in case that plan didn't work out and some last resorts if plan B didn't work out (I seriously believe I would be an awesome survivor of LOST), no longer had a plan. And that terrified me. I was desperate. I was unhappy with myself, my lack of accomplishment and productivity, my social life and my relationships. I was in a vicious circle and it was time to make a change.

Jump ahead to now. I am happier than I've been in years. And a lot of it lies with making a lot of personal changes that had to do with my outlook. I no longer believe in 5 year plans (easier to toss out the window than I thought it would be, mostly because it wasn't working out for me so far anyway). I am in the moment. Before I was rushing around like a chicken with its head cut off, my mind going a mile a minute, over analyzing, expecting perfection from myself and crashing into the depths of despair when that didn't happen, and over all completely wearing myself out to weakness. Now, I'm in the moment in my life, my conversations, my relationships with people, my work, everything. I have slowed to smell the roses, to appreciate, to speculate. I no longer allow myself to think negatively about my emotions, who I am as a person, my strength, my quirkiness and worrying whether or not it will scare off those around me (which if it does, I probably don't want those people around anyway). I love the fact that I'm independent, that I can't be funny when I'm trying (but I'm apparently a riot when I'm not trying at all), that I'm colorful and passionate. That I care about helping others and reaching out and connecting with them. I love that I am outspoken, that I know what I do and don't like, and that I know what I want to do with my life but only to a certain extent (because what I want is constantly in the process of morphing into something new). I love me. Not in a way that is selfish, but in a self-appreciating, self-acknowledging, self-accepting way.


This morning I woke up and quickly jotted down a list of the positive things that have happened for me this year, that have positively effected me and helped to bring me up again.

1. I was apart of the "Wizard of Oz" summer musical at WCP theater. I met some awesome new people, and reconnected with some good friends I hadn't seen in a while. I was reminded of how friends can mean just as much to you as family.

2. After months of running around town dropping off applications, hours spent searching online for job openings, filling out application forms, and many rejections, I was finally offered a job at Trinity Episco Church in Waterloo as their administrative secretary. Despite my lack of experience, they were willing and happy to give me the training I need to get up to speed. These are valuable skills I will be able to use for future jobs and be able to acquire from hands-on experience (the way I learn best) rather than shelling out cash for a college class. Also, the pay is great and as long as I budget well, money will no longer be my primary concern. I get paid time off AND benefits!

3. I had the opportunity and pleasure of being an extra in "A Place For Heroes", a film being shot locally in the historical towns of Traer and Clutier. A fantastic experience that opened doors and gave me new enthusiastic connections as well as new friends.

4. I was able to recently record some of my original music for the first time. I am in the process of self-producing a single and moving closer toward my next step of getting up a Kickstarter page this year with the goal of getting my first official album professionally produced early next year.

5. I am playing my first live music show at Lampost Theater & Coffee Co. on October 27th. This is huge for me, Lampost is a second home and I'm really looking forward to playing in a safe environment that I'm completely at home in performing for friends and family. Hopefully it will be the first of many performances!

6. I was honored to play and sing in a homosexual friend's wedding (also the first gay wedding I'd ever attended), performing the couple's song. It was extremely emotional, very touching and I am so honored to have been given the privilege to be apart of their special day.

7. I have met and maintained relationships with many wonderful new people this year and I can only hope that those relationships continue to grow and prosper.


Its true that when a door closes, a window opens, and that the best things in  life really do happen by happenstance. Finally, I am back on my feet. I'm gaining momentum, and moving in positive directions. Strength, confidence and passion have returned to my bones and to my soul, and I don't plan on losing that again. I am proud to be a strong woman, an artist, and an entrepreneur, among many other things. I will never again apologize for being who God made me to be: Loud, passionate, empathetic, emotional, driven, determined, quirky, colorful, freckled, opinionated, outspoken, open-minded, adventurous, imaginative, free-spirited, and the list goes on and will continue to grow as I do.

Don't judge a town by its size, but by the strength and heart of its people

Today, my hometown of Cedar Falls welcomed home Taylor Morris, a local war hero and Navy bomb detection expert who lost parts of all four of his limbs in an explosion in May. This is his first time home since his deployment.

I was driving down Main Street in Cedar Falls on my way to my sister's house and was overwhelmed with a strong feeling of pride for my small down of Cedar Falls, Iowa. Everywhere there were flags, and almost every shop had some welcome tribute to our celebrated soldier. I couldn't help parking my car and walking up and down the street to take photos. I'm proud to be apart of a town that takes pride in its citizens and shows love for our community as a family and a whole. It was so touching that so many people took the time to welcome Taylor at the airport, to organize a welcome route and to decorate to let him know just how much we appreciate his service and sacrifice. He is an inspiration to us all.

Read more about it and see photos on the Waterloo Cedar Falls Courier website.

Here are the photos I took. Click them to see to see them larger. :)

The Cedar Falls Theater

The windows read "Welcome Home Taylor" and "We're PROUD of you!"

Most of the bars/grills had contributions as well. There were lots of balloons.

Even the little trinket and clothing shops joined in with their little touches and sidewalk signs

Flags lined the street, landscaping and shop fronts.

Three Pieces of News, A Lecture and A Vent

Literally what the title says.

Three Random Pieces of Exciting News

1. Looking forward to recording some of my music with my friend Phil Gould on the 31st! Just for fun mostly, but depending on what we make, it will probably be used for promotional purposes to get myself out there and to use as background music for my Kickstarter video to fund my first record. Also, I want to submit them in a search for music by songwriters 21-years-old and younger for the chance to be on a soundtrack for an independent film. Yes. I'm almost twenty-three. But they don't need to know that. The strategy here is to submit my music, they love it so much that they want to use it, find out I'm not twenty-one and use it anyway. I'll keep you posted on how that works out.

2. I guess its safe to tell you all now, I was offered the administrative secretary position at Trinity Episco Church in Waterloo on Thursday!! They are happy to train me for the skills I lack, which is incredible as I'll finally be able to list them on my resume for future jobs. I will hopefully be starting September 10th or sooner.

3. No Shame Theatre! Cedar Falls Chapter starts September 7th for the new semester! Start writing or perfecting your sketches and pieces for the upcoming shows and be there or be square!!

A Lecture

Honesty is something I highly value, respect and expect out of myself as well as others. If there is anything in this world that I hate more, its dishonesty. I don't care if you lie out right, or if its a lie by omission of certain information. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and have what you say filter into and match up with your actions. The truth is void when its replaced with a contradictory action. If you are dishonest because you wish to avoid conflict, because you want to continue in your dishonesty, or because you don't want to hurt someone, you will most likely just be in it deeper when the truth finds you out and you're caught with your pants down, rather than if you had just been up front in the first place. Especially if its the latter of the three, because it usually means that the person you were dishonest with found out you weren't telling the truth, and thus the lie cut deeper than the truth, because on top of it all they were betrayed by someone they cared about and trusted. Being honest may be hard sometimes, but its worse if you are dishonest and it costs you someone's trust, a possible friendship/relationship, and your own moral character.

Just my thoughts (and, as always, strong opinion) based on personal experiences that resurfaced during a recent conversation. I guess I've always been of the opinion that honesty and straight-forwardness was never a lot to ask for.

A Vent

My favorite part of working customer service at the bookstore is when someone calls in looking for a book that is 10+ years old that they are convinced is brand spankin' new because of some program they saw om PBS or a talk show. When I inform them that we don't carry said book, can't order it and can't even find it on the internet because it seems to be out of print, the customer on the phone demands to speak to someone older than me (because clearly you can tell my age just by my phone voice) who will know what obscure title and celebrity author they are talking about, because I am obviously too young to know who "The Little Rascals" are and how to use the internet.

All work and no play makes Jack...well, dull.

So despite a fun-filled evening of friends and live music over drinks and then even a little karaoke (I love my five minutes of fame and crowds, large and small, that never fail to disappoint and consistently keep me motivated to continue fighting for my dream as a performer with their eager and sincere compliments accompanied by a shake of my hand or a touch of my shoulder and always an enthusiastic smile), the highlight of my evening happened within a 5 minute increment of time. Maybe less.

On my way home at the close of my evening, I decided to break my rule of not eating before bed (and my rule of not eating fast food whenever possible, minus car trips) and indulge in my craving for McDonald’s legendary French fries and $1 burger (no cheese, please!). I pulled up to the late night/24hour drive-thru (those poor souls) and was quickly greeted by an enthusiastic and rather comical voice that sounded like it could belong do a cartoon character:

MD: Hello! How can *I* help YoU? (complete with abnormal vocal inflections)

Me: *surprised pause*….(I suppress a giggle just in case this is the server’s actual voice, God bless him) – Um, yes, please. I’d like a dollar fry and dollar burger please.

MD: No.

Me: *giggling, now that I know its a game we're playing* -- Pretty, pretty, pretty pleeeease?

MD: Oh, alright, since you went and twisted my arm. 240 pennies at the first window, please.

I pull up to the window and have a brief conversation with this probably 16-year-old dorky kid with unruly blond hair and a very cheerful smile (completely genuine I might add, aside from the purposeful goofiness). It consists of my telling him that I’m very sorry, but I left my change jar at home and only had plastic. But if I’d known that you wanted pennies, I would have gladly brought 240 of them in one of my burlap moneybags with a dollar sign on it. He excused me since this was only my first offense.

He gleefully told me to have a good night and handed me back my card. I pull up the second window and wait patiently for my food. After a short time, a wary-faced manager appears and hands me the largest McDonald’s family sized to-go bag I have ever seen:

In the background, the dorky blond kid smiled at me and waved energetically as I pulled away, a still semi-surprised but very entertained expression and smile on my face as I waved back.

I have to give this kid kudos. For one, he has guts to pull something like that when McDonald’s and frankly any late night food provider can get some pretty shady and cranky characters after bar close who slipped and dropped their sense of humor in their last Long Island Iced Tea (which has absolutely no tea in it, by the way). Second, with being open 24 hours, the 3^rd shift can get pretty hairy and monotonous. Kudos to the dorky kid for finding a way to make a bottom-line job fun, and points to his manager for loosening up a little and allowing some fun into the work place.

I was so distracted by this whole play out that I actually forgot to request no cheese on my burger. C'est la vie.