Trapped inside

Here's the thing with song writing:

Its harder than you think.


Do you ever have this feeling of a something building up inside of you, and you try so hard to put it into words or set it to music, but it never comes out right? Its slowly building and you just want to get it out of you, to express it, but every time you try, you mess it up? It comes out as cheesy meaningless lyrics that rhyme but don't justify this feeling. If you're a song writer, you'll know what I'm talking about.

I'm so impatient to get this song out of me. I know its going to be good, but its just so frustrating. Its been a while since I've written a really good song, my last one was "Halfway Without You", which as been my best song so far. The second best (in my opinion) is "Hands". However, everything I've written since then has been fluff and I've been unhappy with it.

I really want to make a CD, but I can't do that with two songs.

Here are my feelings:

Have you ever had that one person, or that one thing that no matter how bad things are, and even if there's 2 feet of snow on the ground, they make you feel like its summertime?

Also, have you ever felt like you're holding yourself back in a relationship, that you want to break free, and give that person every part of you, but somehow you can't? You have baggage, and its hard to get rid of. It doesn't matter how much you trust that person, or how much you may love them, you've got baggage you have to work through before you can honestly say that you're in 100 percent like they are. And it sucks because that one person has given you everything, and loves you more than life, and you just feel like you can't live up to that? Like you can't give them everything they've given you? Like no matter what you do, it will never be enough to make you feel like you're effectively loving them back?

And have you ever felt like your view of love is warped? What does love look like? And shouldn't it be obvious to the world that you are in it with someone? Shouldn't people be able to look at you and see that glow? Or is that just a myth? Is there something more you should be doing?

Do you ever notice that everybody hides behind a smile? That when people walk alone, they usually look at the ground? Everybody says that eyes are windows into the soul, and we all try to shut everyone out because we don't want them to be able to hurt us or be shunned by what they see, and then we forget how to show who we really are, because we've actually forgotten who we really are, because we've been hiding ourselves for so long.

Is love really what everyone needs? How do you describe that feeling? The one universal thing that connects everyone? What are people striving for in life? Is it really world peace? Or is it just the desperate desire to love and feel loved and accepted?



These are just a few of many feelings and thoughts that are running through my mind and heart. I can't tell if it will be all one song, or several. And I can't seem to figure out how to get it out. I suppose I'll just have to be patient and wait it out until I wake up at 3am with an epiphany and write the song(s) out in one night. But its hard to wait.

Maybe that could be a song too: The impatience and anxious and frustrated feeling of waiting to find the only effective way to express your being.


But just so you know, whoever you are, being a song writer is a torturous burden that is very fulfilling once you've conquered that feeling.

Cheese Puffs, Cucumber Sandwiches and Honey Joys.

A few of my favorite hors d'oeuvres to make, and all are fairly easy!

http://simplyrecipes.com/recipes/cheddar_cheese_puffs/


The Cucumber Sandwiches turned out just the way I wanted them to.


Honey Joys. Delicious, easy to make and the right amount of sweet! Simple and delicious!

Basically, you bring 3tbs butter, 2 tbs sugar and 1 tsb honey to a boil, boil it for about 1-2 minutes until its a frothy mixture, turn off the heat and then mix in 6 cups of Cornflakes. I bake them at various temps, depending on the hurry I'm in. I was in a big hurry tonight, and since the oven was already preheated at 450 from the Cheese Puffs, I threw them in and baked them for 10 minutes/until golden brown. :) You let them cool for about 5 minutes to allow the mixture to cool, sticking everything together!

Recipe:

5-6 cups Cornflakes
3 Tbs Butter
2 Tbs Sugar
1 Tbs Honey

Preheat oven between 325-450.

Mix butter, sugar and honey in a large pan on High heat all while stirring constantly. Bring to a boil, turn heat down slightly to avoid burning, and continue to stir constantly until mixture is frothy. Turn off heat and immediately dump all the cornflakes in. Mix cornflakes and sweet sauce all together until cornflakes are evenly covered. This usually takes about 2 minutes. You want all the cornflake to be lightly glazed so that they will stick together.

Spoon mixture evenly into cupcake papers in a cupcake pan(s). Bake for 10-15 minutes or until golden brown (cornflakes are already golden, but when done, tips should be darker). Remove from the oven and allow Honey Joys to cool for approx. 10 minutes. If you do not allow cooling time, the Honey Joys will 1. Be too hot and 2. Will fall apart if you try to take them out of the pan.

Serve immediately for best results. Are good for a few days (at least a week). No need to refrigerate.

Enjoy! :)

_____

I will probably post this recipe again with process photos at some point.

~C.

Counting The Days!

Yesterday morning was Alli's last bridal shower. It took place at Valley Lutheran High School on Greenhill in the music room, and close friends and family were present. Nate was also able to make it for the first half. :)

Nate telling the story of how he surprised Alli with his proposal. :)

Sharing a laugh. :)

After introducing the to-be bride and groom, we went on to games. There were four contests, held with the moms (Sharon, me and Alli's mom, and Shelly, Nate's mom) against Alli and Nate.

Contest 1: Dusting. - Each team must spray a cleaning rag with Orange Cleaning spray and dust each object thoroughly.


Contest 2: Folding Laundry - Each team must fold the assorted laundry in their basket. Laundry must be neat and sorted.

Here, Allison is defending her right to first place by showing off how she has put her past retailing skills to good use in this contest. :P

Contest 3: Folding sheets - Each team must end up with a complete set. Here, Mom and Alli fight over a sheet to complete their set. :D

Shelly: "DONE!!!"

Contest 4: Make a sack lunch - each team must prepare and pack a sack lunch. Each bag must contain 12 pringle chips, carrot sticks, apple slices, and a PB&J sandwich.

Judges Sarah Doering and Aunt Kay keep eyes out as onlookers crane their heads.


Aunt Diana inspecting Nate and Allison's sandwich...it looks like it got sat on.

Comparing. Moms' look yummy!

Contest 5: Cleaning windows. All four panes must be cleaned with orange clean spray. No streaks!
The happy winners!
A hungry fiancé.
Grandma Helen Christensen, Aunt Kay, and Mom
Jeanice, a family babysitter who babysat all of us kids from when we were babies. Here, she is showing pictures Alli growing up.

Aunt Carol sharing some words of advice paired with Bible verses.

Shelly shares some words of advice as well. Then dedicates a song to them that she plays on her laptop that portrays her hopes.


Unity.A group prayer.

The goodies!A hungry bride-to-be!
Opening gifts!
Towels to match the kitchen!
There was an ongoing commentary about how cute the bag was, nobody seemed to care what was inside. :P
A crock-pot!
Thanking everyone. :)


Checking out the ring!
So pretty!

More pictures on my Facebook! Check out the whole album: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/profile.php?ref=profile&id=1180260008


~C.