Trapped inside

Here's the thing with song writing:

Its harder than you think.


Do you ever have this feeling of a something building up inside of you, and you try so hard to put it into words or set it to music, but it never comes out right? Its slowly building and you just want to get it out of you, to express it, but every time you try, you mess it up? It comes out as cheesy meaningless lyrics that rhyme but don't justify this feeling. If you're a song writer, you'll know what I'm talking about.

I'm so impatient to get this song out of me. I know its going to be good, but its just so frustrating. Its been a while since I've written a really good song, my last one was "Halfway Without You", which as been my best song so far. The second best (in my opinion) is "Hands". However, everything I've written since then has been fluff and I've been unhappy with it.

I really want to make a CD, but I can't do that with two songs.

Here are my feelings:

Have you ever had that one person, or that one thing that no matter how bad things are, and even if there's 2 feet of snow on the ground, they make you feel like its summertime?

Also, have you ever felt like you're holding yourself back in a relationship, that you want to break free, and give that person every part of you, but somehow you can't? You have baggage, and its hard to get rid of. It doesn't matter how much you trust that person, or how much you may love them, you've got baggage you have to work through before you can honestly say that you're in 100 percent like they are. And it sucks because that one person has given you everything, and loves you more than life, and you just feel like you can't live up to that? Like you can't give them everything they've given you? Like no matter what you do, it will never be enough to make you feel like you're effectively loving them back?

And have you ever felt like your view of love is warped? What does love look like? And shouldn't it be obvious to the world that you are in it with someone? Shouldn't people be able to look at you and see that glow? Or is that just a myth? Is there something more you should be doing?

Do you ever notice that everybody hides behind a smile? That when people walk alone, they usually look at the ground? Everybody says that eyes are windows into the soul, and we all try to shut everyone out because we don't want them to be able to hurt us or be shunned by what they see, and then we forget how to show who we really are, because we've actually forgotten who we really are, because we've been hiding ourselves for so long.

Is love really what everyone needs? How do you describe that feeling? The one universal thing that connects everyone? What are people striving for in life? Is it really world peace? Or is it just the desperate desire to love and feel loved and accepted?



These are just a few of many feelings and thoughts that are running through my mind and heart. I can't tell if it will be all one song, or several. And I can't seem to figure out how to get it out. I suppose I'll just have to be patient and wait it out until I wake up at 3am with an epiphany and write the song(s) out in one night. But its hard to wait.

Maybe that could be a song too: The impatience and anxious and frustrated feeling of waiting to find the only effective way to express your being.


But just so you know, whoever you are, being a song writer is a torturous burden that is very fulfilling once you've conquered that feeling.