Fall Cleaning

So, its been ages since I last posted anything. I used to be so diligent at blogging! Before Facebook existed I was on here all the time, typing away, sharing every little semi-important/interesting/laughable snippet of my life! Ah well, just have to get back into the groove I suppose. :)

Anyway, a lot has happened since I last posted in...er...March.

Its August, and rather than what would be categorized as "Spring Cleaning", I've started doing it now. But let's start with my New Beginnings I had back at the beginning of Summer:

1. Signing a lease for my townhouse apartment with two friends and one in our basement.

2. Getting a second job at Kwikstar

3. Starting a band

4. Enrolling in the Cosmetology program at La James

They were huge changes, and I made them to make myself so busy that I wouldn't have time to be heartbroken. I wanted to be so busy doing new things and filling my head with knowledge that I wouldn't have time to reflect or dream about lost memories but instead have my world go black as soon as my head hit the pillow at night.

Maybe I was trying to prove something. I'm convinced I was. Both to myself and everyone who was watching me fall apart. I was trying to prove I was resilient, intrepid, independent and didn't need anyone but myself. God kinda pinched me on that one. And although I managed to keep going, waking up every morning and functioning through the day as a half-alive zombie/human hybrid, I was dying inside. And I think most people saw right through my facade.

Finally, I threw my hands up and just let it out. All the frustration, heartbreak, tears, everything. Being a really self-absorbed independent person (=P), and I'm sure those of you who share my control complex will understand, its was really hard to admit that I needed help and didn't know what I wanted, who I was, or what I was doing. It was a time of hurt and heartbreak, falling to my knees, realizing Who was really in control, discovering who I could trust and who my real friends were, and discovering just how weak and strong I was and am. I knew my Pheonix phase wasn't over. I was dying, and once dead to myself, I needed to be reborn.

Rather than go into details that wouldn't do much but express the negativity I felt 24/7, I'll give you a brief view through the windows of my life by sharing my Fall Cleaning list.

1. I dropped out of school. I finished the first term of Cosmetology and can successfully cut hair now, so if anyone wants a free haircut let me know! ;)

2. I officially started really searching for a Church home. Right now I've been attending Cedar Heights with my sister and her husband, and my parents. I really like the feel of it so far, so we'll see where it goes. :) If any of you have suggestions I'd be very happy to hear them!

3. I've actively started searching for a bible study consisting of my own peers.

4. Nursing broken or dormant friendships and cultivating new ones.

5. Really dedicating time to my band, and signing up for voice lessons. Super excited!! :)

6. Cutting out those parts of my life that had been contributing negative energy only. This involved a lot of friendships, and has been a lot more difficult and painful than I ever thought it would be. I've never felt more alone.

7. Actively listening and trying to pursue God's plan for me, and the direction He wants me to go, that will hopefully involve my dreams and passions of being a musician and traveling the world, which I've been pursuing lately.

8. Learning to be fully independent on my own, and content being single.

9. Looking for a new apartment.


I've been working a lot and trying to save money. Once I do, I really want to get my CD recorded, and album photos taken and start performing shows. Maybe before that I'll travel a bit first, or during, or after. I'm not sure yet. But I know I want to visit all of the states in the U.S. and go to Europe with no plans except for visiting Ireland first and Germany to visit friends. :)


That is the brief update of my life. I hope you all are doing well, and will do me the favor of lifting me up in prayer. Please share any thoughts or insight you might have about my post! Thanks. :)

Much love,

~Cassie