Measures of Time

Life.

How do we measure time? We measure it in seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries...in age.

Why in age though? Why are people so close minded in the idea that age testifies to when you will be mature, when you should know what you want to do with your life, when you should be married, when you're too young to know what love really is?

Seriously, at what age are we old enough to know what love really is? At what age will the world take us seriously?

I hate when I talk to someone and tell them that I have met and lost the love of my life, and it will forever change me. That I will never find someone like him again, and that I will most likely end up alone because I refuse to settle for comfort and company as opposed to real love.

Honestly, I have come to terms and accepted that love is just not in the cards for me. I still believe in it with my entire being, no doubt. But I have accepted the part of playing the mermaid who kills herself because her prince meets, falls in love with and marries another woman.

People always go "Awww! No, how could you possibly say that? That's horrible."

No. Its true and tragically beautiful. I find beauty in the breakdown. And honestly, I know my limits. I know that my love is so strong, when give my heart to someone, it is given. I don't want it back, even if I could take it back. And I know that I can only take so much heartache. I don't want to love again because its just too hard to open up and be vulnerable. Especially when it isn't going to work out for me. Its not a matter of being depressed, though that's certainly part of the process. Its just a matter of knowing who I am, what I'm capable of, and knowing the basic outline of my life.

Honestly, I can't see myself growing to be old and wrinkly with a full head of white hair. I believe that I will die at a young age. Probably 50's or younger. Which is why I'm so eager to live life to the fullest right now and do as much as I can to help people and make a change in the world for the better.

But I hate when people say that just because I'm ONLY 21, I can't possibly know what love really is, and I can't possibly have met the love of my life and never love one person that much again. I hate when people pretend to know where I'm coming from or pretend to get it. Because although you may be able to relate in your own way, you don't get it. Because you are not in this situation. You are not the one experiencing what I am experiencing. Every scenario is different. So you can't possibly get what I'm going through and give valid advice that you "know" will work, just because it worked for you or someone else. Its a completely different ball game and there is no guarantee that the plays or outcome will be exactly the same.

Don't disregard my past, present and future because of my age. You may think I'm naive, but I know that what I've experienced has been real, and true, and will effect who I am and who I will be forever. You may say "You're so young, you've barely lived. The things you are saying are foolish. You're too young to understand your life and make such judgments about your future."

But I have lived, and my soul is older and wiser. Age is simply a measure of passing time.