Its Just Another Manic Monday...

C'mon...wake up. 




You can do it. 




Your desk is not a pillow. 


 
(I literally counted to 10 three times today after snoozing my alarm 3 times before I finally fell out of bed because I wanted a shower before work). 



Ah, Mondays. Your pungent aroma is a bittersweet reality that I do not readily wish to accept.

Forward Motion

Those who voted for Mitt Romney and not Obama as well as other candidates: You are entitled to be disappointed. You are entitled to be worried about the future (as honestly, all of us are). You are entitled to your own opinions. What you are NOT entitled to is being sore losers, calling those of us who did vote for opposing candidates sinners/murderers/traitors/unpatriotic, etc. You are NOT entitled to say "Obama had his chance and failed miserably, he did not make any changes, progress, blah blah blah" when there are so many unwilling to work with the Left or compromise for the bettering of this country, and so many have turned a blind eye on all the positive progress he has made in the last 4 years. Granted, he, as well as other political leaders, has made his share of mistakes as all humans and leaders do. I am also not saying I 100% agree with everything Obama stands for, but then its impossible to find a candidate that you can side 100% with on all issues. If you do, you are a freak of nature (sarcasm).

While you have the RIGHT and FREEDOM to say/think/feel these things, you are NOT entitled and know that it does not reflect well on you, your party or your candidates moral standing or ability to successfully and credibly lead this country to greater heights. I wish there could be some way for us to get rid of sides, to work TOGETHER rather than AGAINST each other. I wish we could have (dare I say it?) peace between political parties, officials, citizens. Alas, I think too many enjoy a good fight (note I did not use the word debate as that would mean saying that everyone is capable of having open and peaceful discussions and sharing of ideas, rather than stomping each other into the ground trying to change minds and be right).

This isn't about BEING right. Its about DOING right. Those who were elected were elected because they got the most votes. It was fair and square. There was no cheating (though I personally witnessed underhanded attempts and dirty politics). I commend those who have taken this defeat graciously and maturely. To those who have been openly pouting, bashing our elected leader and those who support him, shame on you. Shame on you especially if your plan is to continue to slam down every attempt our leaders make toward progress and new ideas over the next 4 years. There seriously needs to be some re-evaluation of how we conduct ourselves in times like these because more often than not, common courtesy is thrown out the window in favor of bigotry and ignominy.

A quote from a good friend of mine that was posted the night of our victory:

"Tomorrow, I will preach about hands across the aisle, and working together. Tomorrow, I will say nice stuff about working together for America.

But today?
Today I will quote YOUR candidate and say that I am proud of only half my country (and that's generous, since he discounted way more of us). Today I will say that I am proud I did not vote for someone who believes rape is a gift from God or t

hat women are to blame for it. Today I will rub it in that we get four more years of Obama while you get four more years of being a hypocrite and calling yourself a patriot while not supporting our elected leader. Today is payback for all the things I've been called for being a compassionate person (aka, liberal) and caring more about equal rights than whether or not we're facing imminent financial demise (which, hello, would have been the case no matter who was elected). Today I'll be excited that we have an openly gay Senator, that three four states voted to allow gay marriage, and that bigotry and ignorance and hate didn't win.
But tomorrow, tomorrow...I will go back to accepting YOUR views even though you've spent the last four years trashing mine."

I, personally, am very pleased with the election results and will be celebrating Jeff Danielson's win at Octopus whenever he announcing the time/date of his Victory Party. Last night was a great night of celebration, the air was filled with energy, an excited static you could practically feel, and there were cheers and tears of happiness when Obama was announced the elected President and Iowa turned blue. I am proud and so glad I was able to be apart of it.

Now, I hope we can face forward, settle differences and come to the table ready to work together for positive changes that need to be made if we want to continue rising up rather than dangerously spiraling downward as we were four years ago.

Celebrating moving FORWARD!

Some things that you need to know...

One of my supervisors at the Church brought this into me and I thought I'd share it. Read only if you can appreciate a good joke or consider yourself to have some remote sense of humor.


Some Things You Need To Know

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)

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A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

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A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

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Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Do not try this at home....maybe at work.)

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The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the males head off. ("Honey, I'm home.")

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The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes...can you imagine??)

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The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty at the bottom of a pond?)

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Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity.)

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Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I've always wanted to know.)

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The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmm.....)

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Elephants are the only animal that cannot jump. (Ok, so that would be a good thing....)

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A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

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An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)

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Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.)

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Polar bears are left-handed. (Looks like lefties have a new mascot!)

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Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)


Happy Hump Day everyone!

It may seem cliché, but hey, its my life.

Count the starts in the sky
each one shining so far away
Count the flecks in my eyes
each one a memory to stay

Some things that at first seem so small
are really big and outshine them all
its hard to believe I've come this far
from where I once was, I'm a shining star
_________________

I just wrote that. And I like it, or the idea of it at least. Calling yourself a shining star may seem reminiscent of some middle school sentiment that some teacher once preached to her students but it describes how I truly feel right now and have felt these past two weeks.

Months ago (about January through July), if you'd asked me if I was happy, I probably would have smiled and said "Of course!" and added under my breath, "...happy enough".

I'd shut myself up in a closet, a cloud blocking my light if you will, and decided that where I was at was where I was at, it sucked and there wasn't much I could do about it.

Umm, hello self, since WHEN have I ever been the throw-in-the-towel, party-in-my-backyard-pool-of-pity, settling kind of woman? Never. That's when.

I'd always been a self-driven, self-motivated, confident, independent, passionate, outspoken and free-spirited, strong woman. But somehow now I felt deflated, discouraged and depressed. D. D. D. All bad things and bad feelings to have pretty much all of the time. Ever since leaving MUDD in May of this year and once again joining the crazy each-man-for-himself dog fight of the job hunt, I'd quickly lost the majority of my drive and had a huge chuck of confidence bit out of me.

For one, it was hard for me to admit that I was incapable of doing phone sales (actually, its hard for me to admit that I'm incapable of doing anything) and that calling up car dealers trying to sell them advertising made me want to constantly slit my wrists and die (not literally. Just so you're not freaking out thinking I'd gone suicidal or something). That's where reality and the competitive job market took a big bite out of my shoulder.

Normally, job hunting wouldn't be a difficult task for me. I'm very hirable (I know, I know, not a word, but it is now. And not to toot my own horn, but *toot toot*) and normally wouldn't be unemployed for more than 2 weeks tops. So at first I was fine. But the difference this time is that I was joining a more competitive group of job hunters: I was leveling up and looking for a full-time job that would pay me $10 an hour at least. Paid time off and benefits were pluses but not necessities. However, the fact that I didn't have a college degree (so much for my all-nighters in high school for A's that I thought were the difference between life and death ever doing me any good) and very little to no experience as an administrative secretary (the best paying line of work I'd chosen that I felt I was most qualified for that didn't involve having to go back to school to dig a deeper hole of debt) made it almost impossible to get noticed. Thanks to technology taking over the world, most applications are now online, so meeting your possible future employer face to face is about as probable as having a beer with the President of the United States at a local pub (oh wait, that actually happened!). If I was contacted at all, it was usually to tell me "Thank you for your interest, blah blah blah, we had a lot of applicants, blah blah blah, you don't have enough experience, yada yada yada". Eventually these responses to my meager resume and skills started to sound a lot like the adults from Peanuts (wawawa).

At some point I finally got fed up with my anxiety and depression tendencies (I was so sick of being stuck around myself) that I finally made the decision to see a therapist/life coach. I know many people's opinions of psychologists are negative, but I was at the end of my rope. Me, someone who always had a plan, and a plan B in case that plan didn't work out and some last resorts if plan B didn't work out (I seriously believe I would be an awesome survivor of LOST), no longer had a plan. And that terrified me. I was desperate. I was unhappy with myself, my lack of accomplishment and productivity, my social life and my relationships. I was in a vicious circle and it was time to make a change.

Jump ahead to now. I am happier than I've been in years. And a lot of it lies with making a lot of personal changes that had to do with my outlook. I no longer believe in 5 year plans (easier to toss out the window than I thought it would be, mostly because it wasn't working out for me so far anyway). I am in the moment. Before I was rushing around like a chicken with its head cut off, my mind going a mile a minute, over analyzing, expecting perfection from myself and crashing into the depths of despair when that didn't happen, and over all completely wearing myself out to weakness. Now, I'm in the moment in my life, my conversations, my relationships with people, my work, everything. I have slowed to smell the roses, to appreciate, to speculate. I no longer allow myself to think negatively about my emotions, who I am as a person, my strength, my quirkiness and worrying whether or not it will scare off those around me (which if it does, I probably don't want those people around anyway). I love the fact that I'm independent, that I can't be funny when I'm trying (but I'm apparently a riot when I'm not trying at all), that I'm colorful and passionate. That I care about helping others and reaching out and connecting with them. I love that I am outspoken, that I know what I do and don't like, and that I know what I want to do with my life but only to a certain extent (because what I want is constantly in the process of morphing into something new). I love me. Not in a way that is selfish, but in a self-appreciating, self-acknowledging, self-accepting way.


This morning I woke up and quickly jotted down a list of the positive things that have happened for me this year, that have positively effected me and helped to bring me up again.

1. I was apart of the "Wizard of Oz" summer musical at WCP theater. I met some awesome new people, and reconnected with some good friends I hadn't seen in a while. I was reminded of how friends can mean just as much to you as family.

2. After months of running around town dropping off applications, hours spent searching online for job openings, filling out application forms, and many rejections, I was finally offered a job at Trinity Episco Church in Waterloo as their administrative secretary. Despite my lack of experience, they were willing and happy to give me the training I need to get up to speed. These are valuable skills I will be able to use for future jobs and be able to acquire from hands-on experience (the way I learn best) rather than shelling out cash for a college class. Also, the pay is great and as long as I budget well, money will no longer be my primary concern. I get paid time off AND benefits!

3. I had the opportunity and pleasure of being an extra in "A Place For Heroes", a film being shot locally in the historical towns of Traer and Clutier. A fantastic experience that opened doors and gave me new enthusiastic connections as well as new friends.

4. I was able to recently record some of my original music for the first time. I am in the process of self-producing a single and moving closer toward my next step of getting up a Kickstarter page this year with the goal of getting my first official album professionally produced early next year.

5. I am playing my first live music show at Lampost Theater & Coffee Co. on October 27th. This is huge for me, Lampost is a second home and I'm really looking forward to playing in a safe environment that I'm completely at home in performing for friends and family. Hopefully it will be the first of many performances!

6. I was honored to play and sing in a homosexual friend's wedding (also the first gay wedding I'd ever attended), performing the couple's song. It was extremely emotional, very touching and I am so honored to have been given the privilege to be apart of their special day.

7. I have met and maintained relationships with many wonderful new people this year and I can only hope that those relationships continue to grow and prosper.


Its true that when a door closes, a window opens, and that the best things in  life really do happen by happenstance. Finally, I am back on my feet. I'm gaining momentum, and moving in positive directions. Strength, confidence and passion have returned to my bones and to my soul, and I don't plan on losing that again. I am proud to be a strong woman, an artist, and an entrepreneur, among many other things. I will never again apologize for being who God made me to be: Loud, passionate, empathetic, emotional, driven, determined, quirky, colorful, freckled, opinionated, outspoken, open-minded, adventurous, imaginative, free-spirited, and the list goes on and will continue to grow as I do.

Don't judge a town by its size, but by the strength and heart of its people

Today, my hometown of Cedar Falls welcomed home Taylor Morris, a local war hero and Navy bomb detection expert who lost parts of all four of his limbs in an explosion in May. This is his first time home since his deployment.

I was driving down Main Street in Cedar Falls on my way to my sister's house and was overwhelmed with a strong feeling of pride for my small down of Cedar Falls, Iowa. Everywhere there were flags, and almost every shop had some welcome tribute to our celebrated soldier. I couldn't help parking my car and walking up and down the street to take photos. I'm proud to be apart of a town that takes pride in its citizens and shows love for our community as a family and a whole. It was so touching that so many people took the time to welcome Taylor at the airport, to organize a welcome route and to decorate to let him know just how much we appreciate his service and sacrifice. He is an inspiration to us all.

Read more about it and see photos on the Waterloo Cedar Falls Courier website.

Here are the photos I took. Click them to see to see them larger. :)

The Cedar Falls Theater

The windows read "Welcome Home Taylor" and "We're PROUD of you!"

Most of the bars/grills had contributions as well. There were lots of balloons.

Even the little trinket and clothing shops joined in with their little touches and sidewalk signs

Flags lined the street, landscaping and shop fronts.

Three Pieces of News, A Lecture and A Vent

Literally what the title says.

Three Random Pieces of Exciting News

1. Looking forward to recording some of my music with my friend Phil Gould on the 31st! Just for fun mostly, but depending on what we make, it will probably be used for promotional purposes to get myself out there and to use as background music for my Kickstarter video to fund my first record. Also, I want to submit them in a search for music by songwriters 21-years-old and younger for the chance to be on a soundtrack for an independent film. Yes. I'm almost twenty-three. But they don't need to know that. The strategy here is to submit my music, they love it so much that they want to use it, find out I'm not twenty-one and use it anyway. I'll keep you posted on how that works out.

2. I guess its safe to tell you all now, I was offered the administrative secretary position at Trinity Episco Church in Waterloo on Thursday!! They are happy to train me for the skills I lack, which is incredible as I'll finally be able to list them on my resume for future jobs. I will hopefully be starting September 10th or sooner.

3. No Shame Theatre! Cedar Falls Chapter starts September 7th for the new semester! Start writing or perfecting your sketches and pieces for the upcoming shows and be there or be square!!

A Lecture

Honesty is something I highly value, respect and expect out of myself as well as others. If there is anything in this world that I hate more, its dishonesty. I don't care if you lie out right, or if its a lie by omission of certain information. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and have what you say filter into and match up with your actions. The truth is void when its replaced with a contradictory action. If you are dishonest because you wish to avoid conflict, because you want to continue in your dishonesty, or because you don't want to hurt someone, you will most likely just be in it deeper when the truth finds you out and you're caught with your pants down, rather than if you had just been up front in the first place. Especially if its the latter of the three, because it usually means that the person you were dishonest with found out you weren't telling the truth, and thus the lie cut deeper than the truth, because on top of it all they were betrayed by someone they cared about and trusted. Being honest may be hard sometimes, but its worse if you are dishonest and it costs you someone's trust, a possible friendship/relationship, and your own moral character.

Just my thoughts (and, as always, strong opinion) based on personal experiences that resurfaced during a recent conversation. I guess I've always been of the opinion that honesty and straight-forwardness was never a lot to ask for.

A Vent

My favorite part of working customer service at the bookstore is when someone calls in looking for a book that is 10+ years old that they are convinced is brand spankin' new because of some program they saw om PBS or a talk show. When I inform them that we don't carry said book, can't order it and can't even find it on the internet because it seems to be out of print, the customer on the phone demands to speak to someone older than me (because clearly you can tell my age just by my phone voice) who will know what obscure title and celebrity author they are talking about, because I am obviously too young to know who "The Little Rascals" are and how to use the internet.

All work and no play makes Jack...well, dull.

So despite a fun-filled evening of friends and live music over drinks and then even a little karaoke (I love my five minutes of fame and crowds, large and small, that never fail to disappoint and consistently keep me motivated to continue fighting for my dream as a performer with their eager and sincere compliments accompanied by a shake of my hand or a touch of my shoulder and always an enthusiastic smile), the highlight of my evening happened within a 5 minute increment of time. Maybe less.

On my way home at the close of my evening, I decided to break my rule of not eating before bed (and my rule of not eating fast food whenever possible, minus car trips) and indulge in my craving for McDonald’s legendary French fries and $1 burger (no cheese, please!). I pulled up to the late night/24hour drive-thru (those poor souls) and was quickly greeted by an enthusiastic and rather comical voice that sounded like it could belong do a cartoon character:

MD: Hello! How can *I* help YoU? (complete with abnormal vocal inflections)

Me: *surprised pause*….(I suppress a giggle just in case this is the server’s actual voice, God bless him) – Um, yes, please. I’d like a dollar fry and dollar burger please.

MD: No.

Me: *giggling, now that I know its a game we're playing* -- Pretty, pretty, pretty pleeeease?

MD: Oh, alright, since you went and twisted my arm. 240 pennies at the first window, please.

I pull up to the window and have a brief conversation with this probably 16-year-old dorky kid with unruly blond hair and a very cheerful smile (completely genuine I might add, aside from the purposeful goofiness). It consists of my telling him that I’m very sorry, but I left my change jar at home and only had plastic. But if I’d known that you wanted pennies, I would have gladly brought 240 of them in one of my burlap moneybags with a dollar sign on it. He excused me since this was only my first offense.

He gleefully told me to have a good night and handed me back my card. I pull up the second window and wait patiently for my food. After a short time, a wary-faced manager appears and hands me the largest McDonald’s family sized to-go bag I have ever seen:

In the background, the dorky blond kid smiled at me and waved energetically as I pulled away, a still semi-surprised but very entertained expression and smile on my face as I waved back.

I have to give this kid kudos. For one, he has guts to pull something like that when McDonald’s and frankly any late night food provider can get some pretty shady and cranky characters after bar close who slipped and dropped their sense of humor in their last Long Island Iced Tea (which has absolutely no tea in it, by the way). Second, with being open 24 hours, the 3^rd shift can get pretty hairy and monotonous. Kudos to the dorky kid for finding a way to make a bottom-line job fun, and points to his manager for loosening up a little and allowing some fun into the work place.

I was so distracted by this whole play out that I actually forgot to request no cheese on my burger. C'est la vie.

Words to the Wise

I was browsing through old posts (and wow, do you ever read something and wonder "Who was that person?"? I swear, I have an undiagnosed mulch-personality disorder.) and found this little gem. I felt the need to re-share it since hey, it was kind of funny...

____________________________

When going out to a bar with a group of friends for a friend's birthday party follow these rules:

1. Stay with your group. Do not wonder off alone, allowing yourself to be a sitting duck.

2. Don't drink more than one or two drinks, thus keeping your better judgment intact.

3. Do NOT give out your number. To anyone. Don't make this your night to "woman up" and make the first move. Leave it for the guys. Its better that way and will save you a lot of grief.

Reasons that I suggest these rules? I experienced all of the above in one night.

Tonight was my friend's 21st birthday party. We went out to a local bar, and I bought her a shot (Dirty Girl Scout shots taste just like thin mints, fyi, making them the best shot ever). For those of you who don't drink alcohol, and its fine if you don't, or have strong feelings against it, ignore that statement above. We drank fruit punch Kool-aid at Chuck-E-Cheese.

Anyway. Let me remind you that we live in Iowa. And meeting a decent guy out and about at a bar is 10-1 impossible. Yet, for some reason that is unbeknown to me, hope springs eternal when your social life is as limited as mine being a flustered jam-packed workaholic.

Thus, just because a pretty good looking guy comes up and introduces himself, buys you a drink and strikes up some conversation that seems promising, let me remind you that you have only met him maybe 10 minutes before and your best friend is staring at you with a look that says "What the heck are you doing" and nudging you towards the door, or pretending to be your jealous girlfriend.

So you leave, but against your better judgment you hand this guy your number on a janky piece of receipt paper the waitress gave you. This is not the first of your mistakes for the past 15 minutes.

You ride the elevator, quite pleased with yourself for making the first move for the first time. You pat yourself on the back for being a fearless superwoman, "Yeah!".

You and your group are walking to your cars when all of the sudden, said tall (taller than you noticed when he was sitting next to you, hmm...) and lanky (he seemed broader sitting down too...) comes running across the street towards you and your friends. He stops short of the side walk, and everyone starts shouting at him to get out of the street before he gets hit. Idiot.

He runs up and then begs you and your friends for a ride, claiming his ride abandoned him and his phone is dead. Your girlfriend, J, tries to get rid of him, seeing as she's the bolder of you two. "Brian, your ride didn't leave you. And don't hand me your phone for proof, I don't know how to work that thing. Look, there's your ride."

And low and behold, a second guy comes running up. Relieved, you ask if they know each other. They give each other estranged looks. Then Guy #2 says "Yeeaaah...I think I know him. Yeah, yeah, I do! Hey bro!"

Us: "See? See?? He's your ride!"

Guy #2: "No dude, I'm not his ride..."

Us: "Oh....well, you can be now!"

Guy #2: "No dudes. I don't know him..."

You: "But you just said..."

J: "Call a taxi. We have to go, bye!"

At this point, you are kicking yourself very hard for being such an over-zealous moron and giving your number out to someone you don't even know, who is clearly not a grown up.

He then proceeds to throw his hands up, roll his eyes and say "Tuh! You know what, fine. Forget it if you're just going to be like that. I'll just walk. I wish you the best. Bye."

J: "Okay! :)"

What is this, New Years Eve? Who says "I wish you the best" unless you're at a big, turn of the year party, a graduation ceremony or a wedding? This was probably the third or forth time he'd issued out this phrase.

Your group quickly starts to edge away, with you fighting the urge to run, dragging your friend in tow.

You walk til you run into the other part of your group and then pile into J's boyfriend's car. You somehow step on and spill an Arby's cup and feel Pepsi spill into your shoe. Sticky. T and the gang then drives you to your car and walks you the rest of the way to your car just to be safe.

Quote of the night:

You: "HELP ME! There is a creepy 27-year-old toddler after me who won't give up!"

K's boyfriend: "What a---...wait a minute. Don't you always have some creepy guy after you whenever we go out?"

So. Lesson learned. Do NOT give your number out to creepy, childish, 27-year-old frat boys. Even if they work at John Deere. You gold-digger.

America Is Not The Greatest Country In The World Anymore

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." - The Declaration of Independence - July 4th, 1776

Independence Day is my favorite holiday. While I do love this country, I also agree and hold the opinion that it is not the greatest country in the world anymore. We do not hold the morality and stature that we claim to, and we certainly are not informed like we used to be nor do we take up the responsibilities of citizenship and act in the good interest of our country, our freedoms or the lives of those around us.

Sharing this clip from the new HBO series "The Newsroom", because I thought it was appropriate and relevant.

Happy Independence Day!

Thank you, Ray Bradbury

"Do what you love and love what you do...if someone tells you to do something for money, tell them to go to hell." ~ Ray Bradbury (August 22, 1920 - June 5th, 2012)

Ray Bradbury was amazing. I salute him. His writings and his mindset were incredible and innovative. "Fahrenheit 451" is one of my top 10 favorite books. I remember the feelings I felt while being immersed in literary heaven, being mesmerized by the concepts of the talking walls and the mechanic dogs that hunted those who did not comply with the rules. I soaked up the information about my enemies, and tried to figure out how I (putting myself in the shoes of the main character) would defeat or escape them. The burning of the books made me infuriated, horrified and mournful as I read, with no power to change the plot line and save the literary treasures. Only to read on in hopes for a way of redemption.

So thank you, Ray Bradbury, for contributing such wonderful, thoughtful and staying literary treasures as well as your plays, poetry and film. You were truly an artist and few, I believe, will be able to achieve your dedication or greatness.

Here is a link to a great article about Ray Bradbury's life accomplishments, who he was as a person, his stances on modern technology and history as a writer, poet and play writer.

An Ever Changing World

The other day (and today) I was thinking about how different things are from how they were when I was growing up. Yes, yes, I know. I'm not that old. Just shy of 23 years, I'm practically still a new born baby, bright pink with apple lungs, having no problem with the world hearing my voice. Or a least a spring chick-chicken at best.

But things are different, and I'm not saying it to age myself. Yesterday I attended a local parade celebrating the history of our town. My mother, grandma and I snagged some great curb seats and as we waited for the parade to start we watched two little girls who were friends. They couldn't have been more than the ages of 5 and 7. One was tanned with her dark hair in braided pony-tails, sprawled out on her stomach on the street. Obviously, she isn't old enough to worry about dirt on her dress or the germs from the street. Her friend was a little red haired girl who reminded me of myself at her age with her pretty blue frilled dress and a bow in her hair, her pale little legs dotted with mosquito bites, an angry shade of red in irritation from her scratching at them. No mind, she had probably had a wonderful time the night before, climbing trees or play sets, chasing after fire flies as the air grew cool and the sun went to bed.

As we watched, my mom made joking comments about how if the people on the floats threw candy close enough, would I still dive eagerly into the street to fight for my share? I told her that they aren't allowed to throw candy anymore. "You're kidding!" she said, obviously a little disappointed. I replied that it was probably for safety precautions, that someone could easily tamper with the candy to poison a child as a cruel trick or worse. My mother nodded, as if this made sense, but then shook her head and muttered about how different things were nowadays. How there are so many over-the-top regulations and precautions. As much as the precautions make sense, I had to agree with her. Because obviously, I had turned out fine (at least I think so), and so did my mother.

Its true. They no longer throw candy at parades. Kids no longer play at parks or ride bikes together on the streets unsupervised. There are no corner lemonade stands, manned by a little entrepreneur, eager to make their first buck to save for a bike or a pet. In some schools, there are metal detectors now. Parents fear more than ever the possibility of their child being taken in a public place. There are more bizarre acts of violence. Like the "zombie" attacks in Miami, where a man attacked an older gentleman. The attacker was naked and growling like an animal, and chewed half the man's face off before the cops arrived. According to reports, they tasered him several times with no apparent effect. It took fifteen cops to subdue another guy who was out of control during a separate incident. Reporters described both attacks as instances of "super-human strength".

Kids AND adults play video games for hours now on a perfect sunny day and God forbid they play online where they learn the worst kinds of language. Most kids have never heard of Pop-Eye, Its A Wonderful Life or Jane Austen. Working at a bookstore is semi-depressing during the school year because of how many kids and teens come through with the new (not classic) literature required for their English classes, or teachers who are bending to the will of students, buying supernatural fiction because "at least they're reading". The few teachers who stick to their guns on classic literature have students who are reluctant or completely uninterested in reading The Great Gatsby or Edgar Allen Poe and Emily Dickinson.

Our world is now seemingly filled with more complacency and more horrors than ever before: More horror stories of rape and kidnapping (my mother also watches too many episodes of Criminal Minds, which sparked her and my dad making the joined decision to invest in a 3,000,000 volt taser that I never would have purchased myself), murder, zombies and first person shooter games, Dead Space 3 and World of Warcraft, sexting and texting while driving (more accidents are caused by texting than drunk driving), etc. Girls dress in dresses and skirts that don't even allow them to bend over to pick something up if they were to drop something important. "Whoops, there goes my credit card...guess I'll wait until some guy notices my boobs or butt and picks it up for me hoping for a glance up my skirt." And girls wonder why they can't get a "gentleman" who's interested in their personality and not just their physical assets and won't take them seriously. Ladies, most men will treat you how you advertise yourself. If you're wearing a tube top for a dress, he's most likely going to treat you like a hooker because it looks like you're fishing for extra cash. Present yourself in the way you want men to view you. Don't expect them to see past the cleavage and your apple bottom booty shorts. They won't.

In my opinion, the world is the way it is because we've started to promote negative influences more than ever before. Everyone looks for the next movie that pushes edginess to the next level, introduces new "creative" acts of gore and sadistic violence, shows more skin, has more sexual tension. Video games are filled with monsters and men, and a kill isn't a kill if there isn't some blood spatter or guts pouring out. The language used in taunting other players is unrepeatable. Almost all literature for teens are filled with vampires, demons, and other supernatural beings cast in a romantic light. There are shows like Gossip Girl, Jersey Shore, TruBlood, The Walking Dead...I enjoy the last two listed, but I have a problem with them being so easily accessible to younger audiences, with magazines posting cover photos of Sookie, Eric and Bill wrapped in each other's naked bodies, slicked down with blood.

The bottom line is that we've become numb to these things. We believe they don't influence us, that we can watch without it effecting our behavior towards ourselves and towards others. But the fact that so much of this negative media doesn't bother us proves that it has influenced us. Granted, there are some pretty messed up people out there who could come up with creative ways to kill, rape, swear, etc. on their own among other things. But don't tell me that some of those people didn't have the thought cross their minds that it would be cool to imitate what they saw a favorite character do in a video game or comic book, or a scene in a movie or TV Show. You can't tell me that you haven't been influenced by the media, that you haven't quoted a character, or that your fashion choices haven't been impacted. Whatever you want to compare.

The world is a scary place, its true. Its a constantly evolving creature, and America will always be hungry for more. There's only so much we can shield kids from that they won't encounter on their own. But my generation and the generation after me are in trouble. Education is put on a back burner, we're unmotivated and complacent. We don't use the voice that God and our freedom has given us to impact the world, to spark change.

I'm not the most well-informed. I'm not the most involved with current events, social media or politics. Only recently have I started to really care what direction we are headed in. Only recently have I started to notice these major changes that have developed since I was young and carefree. Only recently have I really developed a desire to be involved.

Simple pleasures of life are very rarely appreciated in full. Anything "fun" costs money (there are so many things in life that are fun and FREE!). The Arts are the first thing to go when there is an economical financial crisis. But the arts are our core of expression! Music brings us together because music is something that we can all relate to. Art is universal, you could have five different people stare at the same painting and they'd each walk away with a different opinion. Theater is make-believe at its best, where children and adults alike can dress up and be someone else. Embody and express a character, convey a message, impact an audience.

Media is great. I'm all for it in moderation and discretion. But over consumption makes people lazy. Spell check allows you to not have to think about your spelling or grammar. Texting has encouraged the use of slang and abbreviation that has evolved into a new language that I can't even begin to understand and will never use (except for the occasional lol, brb or b/c). Video games allow you to become a different character that you take pride in for its strength, tact, the size of its gun, when really, this character only goes as far as your fingertips.

The world is what it is because we helped make it this way. Its not always pretty, most of the time its not. But it has its moments of home town glory and is still the birthplace for our childhood dreams and memories. I wish more people made an effort to protect that. Can we go back? Change is based on a history, sparked by a new idea that bloomed out of an old one. I don't believe in world peace. I don't believe that the negative influences we've nurtured will die out completely since there's no way to keep the entire population from using them. But I do believe we have the power of choice. We can choose to promote positive influences, use our voices to speak out and defend the simple pleasures in life, the positive channels of self expression, the importance of artistic culture, the classic people, characters, TV shows, literature, etc. on which we thrived. I believe without these things, we will become machines, destined to a dark sooty world of self preservation and compliance.

This concludes my attempt at voicing the crazy things that go on in my head, scraping at the surface of the pool of my intelligence, hoping I can get it to thaw out a little and maybe make some sense. Feel free to agree or disagree, to comment or remain silence. It is your choice after all.

So my last post was a draft that I forgot to ever post in the first place.

Here's my recent news, being thrown at you at a speed ball rate:

I got a job at MUDD Advertising as a Territory Sales Manager (Phone sales only I'm calling car dealers and trying to sell them advertising, which is like trying to sell ice cubes to an Eskimo). After two weeks, I realized I can't do phone sales. I'm just not cut from that cloth, I didn't want it enough although I wanted the money, and it was killing my spirit, despite loving the people I worked with and the business atmosphere. I was promised an interview for a Client Service Position which I never got. I was told they were happy with the pool of people they already had to choose from. You can read the details on my Facebook status, however you'll have to scroll down to May 24th to see the posting.

So I'm on the job hunt again. Preferably for something that will pay $10 or more.

I got cast in The Wizard of Oz. I'm not a lead, but I do dance some important parts, so I'll still get a fair amount of stage time and limelight. Also, some of my favorite fellow actors are participating as well, so its exciting to be working with them again.

I'm considering starting a handmade crochet/knitting/craft Etsy shop, possibly selling things at the local Farmer's Market, etc. I've made some cute stuff, its mainly an issue of time and building my inventory before I open shop.

This is on top of my job at Barnes & Noble and Mary Kay. Basically, I'm trying to stay afloat and find a job where I can make enough money to pay the bills, pay for my CD, pay for an apartment/duplex and a new car.

Still working on my music, a lot of new songs are in progress. I'm seriously considering using the website Kickstarter to raise the money for my CD, but have to find someone to tape me first for free or a low price. The one guy named Scott Stowe just earned enough in the last few days for his album. Pretty incredible. Check it out: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/scottstowe/im-scott-stowe-and-im-finally-making-my-first-albu

So there's an update on my life. New post to come soon after this. :)

~Cassie Marie

A Silver Lining

Once again, a long time since I've posted a new update.

So as a some of you know, in January I started my new Mary Kay business!! :) As a new Independent Beauty Consultant, I was very excited to talk to my family and friends and people on the street about my new business and have them try the products that I had tried and fallen in love with. Of course my family and friends would support me, they stand behind me on everything else that I do, right?

Wrong.

While my wonderful mother (who was wary about my taking on yet ANOTHER responsibility) supported me by helping me host my first party with my sister and grandmother, all of which bought products, they didn't share my immediate enthusiasm. Thankfully, they have come around and while they still may not be enthused about Mary Kay like I am just yet, they support me whole-heartedly and my sister binges on new products and samples on her down days. :P
My friends were another story. While a few of them were very supportive and excited for me, willing to come to parties and try the products, even if they couldn't buy anything, and to those people I am extremely grateful. Because of the few of you (and you know who you are) who have supported me thus far, I have experience and knowledge from my trial and error that I would not have, had I not been able to host parties with attendees. Those of you who have expressed enthusiasm, excitement and encouragement for me as I take this new step toward my future, you have helped me in more ways than you can know. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

However, there was still a large pool of people, the majority of my friends wouldn't return my calls or texts inviting them to my Mary Kay parties or to come over to hang out and play with makeup. They would respond to everything else I would contact them about: friend gatherings, going out, karaoke, getting coffee, etc. but whenever I mentioned makeup or Mary Kay, they would shut me out. Pretend to miss or not see my calls, and "forget" to reply to my texts. People would even comment on every Facebook status I posted, except the Mary Kay ones. Maybe they had their reasons, reasons I will never understand and probably never know since they never told me. But there is absolutely nothing worse than walking on unfamiliar ground and feeling like you're totally alone in it, with everyone silently watching you from the sidelines, waiting for you to blow it.

This was incredibly discouraging and damaging to me. It hurt that people I thought cared about me couldn't support me in this. Its a brave and scary thing to decide to be an entrepreneur, to take your future and your financial situation into your own hands. You really need people backing you up with praise and encouragement. They didn't seem to understand that although having them buy products would be nice, it wasn't what I really wanted from them. I just wanted them to be excited for me, to come to a party or to hang out one-on-one and allow me to practice on them by having them try the products so I could prepare for interacting with strangers. I would ask them to bring friends, because even if they didn't want to buy anything, they could introduce me to new people who might. Plus, if they were friends I didn't know, I could get experience interacting with strangers with my friend standing by as my safety net. Knowing they wouldn't judge me if I stumbled along in my introduction, or if I accidentally messed up the order of the facial or put the wrong foundation color on someone. But apparently, this seemed too much to ask for.

This could open a whole new can of worms where they may argue that I'm not actively involved in their lives, so why should I expect them to be involved in mine? My simple answer is that the road goes both ways. Life is crazy, and even though I may not be involved in their lives all the time, every step of the way, if they ever asked for my help, I would be there, giving all I am capable of in the moment it takes to whisper my name. All I ask, is for that same need to be returned.

I finally got sad, cried, got angry, yelled, and then decided I was done with dealing with people I knew who didn't want to help me out, even in the smallest and free-est forms. It was time to hit the streets.

But first, I went to Career Conference in Chicago this past weekend. A conference where all the MK beauty consultants, red jackets, directors and nationals in the area come for a weekend of inspiration, encouragement and revitalization. Although I was exhausted, downtrodden, and ready to give up, I forced myself to go (because, well, I'd already paid) and it was well worth it. I came home refreshed, with a new attitude, a new outlook, new friends and new inspiration, ready once again to take on the world! :)

My name tag and awarded ribbon extensions. :)



So far, I've achieved star status with Mary Kay and will be receiving my Mary Kay pin with a ladder and real sapphire stone (for my birthday month of September) in the mail any day now. Super excited about it!! I also earned my first prize and chose the new and super cute MK starter tote. :)



The bag is on the left, the cute little organizer insert is what is on the right. I. Can. Not. WAIT to get it in the mail!!! :) :) :)

In other news, I'm joining in the Spring Make Over competition, so whoever would like to get a free makeover, let me know! You would really be helping me out!! The consultant with the most make overs wins. They get a voucher for their next order, a free ticket to seminar in Texas, and/or $500-$5,000 to donate to a charity of their choice! :)

To those who have been faithful readers, despite my unfaithfulness so far at updating you on my craze-filled life, thank you. Any words of kindness or thoughts would be much appreciated. :)

All my love,

~Cassie

So its been a long time...

So its been a long time since I came around
Nothing familiar to be found
Except the faces, but they all have changed
And nothing looks quite the same

- Song by me in progress

So as usual, I haven't posted anything in a really long time.

Just a brief summary of what's going on with me in my super adventurous life:

I'm entering the Maurice's Main Street Model contest! First modeling contest I've ever entered, and I'm really excited about it. Voting opens February 27th and goes through March 19th. You can cast one vote a day, so I'm counting on all of you to vote for me daily! For each vote cast you are entered for a chance to win a gift from Maurices. :) If I win, I get to be in one of Maurice's modeling fashion photoshoots, I win a shopping spree at Maurices, and get to donate money to my favorite charity.

Last night I auditioned for the play "Alice In Wonderland" at my local community theater. Just the audition process itself was so fun, Anita does a really great job, I was very impressed by her. I saw a lot of old friends that I would love to take the stage with again. Hoping I get a part that I really like! All the parts look like a lot of fun and each has at least one line (totes to Anita for making every part desirable) but the parts I want most are Alice, The Mad Hatter, The Red Queen, Cheshire Cat, or the Blue Caterpillar. They would just be such fun parts to have. :)

I've taken on a third job as a Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant! So far, I've been having a lot of fun and have been surprised by my success. I needed extra income since everyone's hours at Kwikstar were cut by about 50% the first week in December. 75% morelike for me. I went from having 25-35 hours to 6-12 hours. God seemed to bring along Marcia (my Mary Kay mentor) and just work things out. I'm hoping I'm successful with my new endeavor and I hope you all support me! If you would like to host a Mary Kay party (its free and you can invite 5 of yours friends), let me know! I teach skin care and a little color at the parties, you get to sample the products, and just have fun time with friends/family. Its free, and if you host the party, you receive a hostess gift! Also, I'm having a starter deal that for every person you invite, you get 10% off a product. So if you can get 5 guests to attend, that's 50% off each product that you order! Also, I have a website that you can view products on and order if you like: http://www.marykay.com/cassiemyost

I've been writing a lot of new songs lately and have been trying to set them all to music and polish them up. I finally decided that music is what I really want to do, and I feel that God can use me to be a light to others with my music. I don't categorize myself into a Christian Pop genre or Mainstream, because some of my songs don't have God in them but some of them do, and I think that's okay. Each song is a personal expression of something. Sometimes just a feeling, sometimes an experience or a dream, or a turning point. Anyway, I'm really praying and hoping I can record my CD this summer! I'm taking voice lessons and saving as much money as I possibly can. I'm also getting a new ukulele! Professional quality with a tweed case to haul it to my future shows. :)

As always, I have big dreams and hope that you can all support me with prayer and encouragement.

My mantra for this month has been this:

Always look to the Father. Though you may stumble, He will always steady you, and if you should fall, He will carry you the distance.