So, as some of you know, I've been trying to lose some weight. Unsuccessfully. In fact, I've gained more, and weigh more than I ever have in my entire life so far. Its depressing, I've felt trapped in this body of mine, my ribs the bars on my cage, locking my soul inside my heart, enslaved to culinary deliciousness.
I've tried eating healthy, but I've discovered that I'm not sure what healthy is anymore. So then I tried eating less. But that only make me hungrier.
I finally selected the South Beach Diet. I officially started Phase 1 on Tuesday. If you don't know anything about the South Beach Diet, let me give you a little synopsis:
The South Beach Diet has three phases.
Phase 1:
Known as the "clean" phase. It lasts no longer than 2-3 weeks, and you are supposed to experience significant weight loss. Basically, you cut out all starchy carbs, all sugar including natural sugars like in fruit, and fat. You are allowed to eat low-fat to no fat milk or cheese, and you can drink all the tea and coffee you want. Your basic foods are raw vegetables, and lean meats. You can also eat all the seafood you want. Use of whole eggs is not limited.
You actually have a lot to work with if you're creative. The Phase 1 allowed foods list is pretty lengthy, its just putting those together and making something delicious. I got a SBD cookbook from the library that has recipes for each Phase and helpful tips and instructions as well as success stories.
Phase 2:
You start to slowly add in some carbohydrates and fruits. Eating is now less boring and more enjoyable.
Phase 3:
Basically, you continue phase two, and phase 3 just adds in some things to keep your weight under control and to develop a healthy lifestyle.
Right now I'm in Phase 1, and have been since Tuesday, October 12. Let me be the first to burst your bubble and not sugar coat it for you: Phase 1 sucks. A lot.
I eat about 4 hard boiled eggs a day, and my lovely mother has been kind enough to boil them for me, as well as make a SBD grocery list and fill the fridge with sugar free jell-O and pickles.
My joys in life right now are sugar free fudgesicles (which are surprisingly TO DIE FOR, and you find yourself asking with every lick "Is this really on my diet???") and steak. Mm, mm, good.
You may be asking why I choose this form of weight-loss torture. The answer: I was able to witness the results before I even started. My friend Traci, a fellow Barnes & Noble bookseller, and I worked together on the Friday before my adoption of the SBD. I noticed that she look significantly skinnier since the last time I'd seen her.
So I asked "Traci, did you lose weight?"
And of course she replied "Yeah, 10 pounds in two weeks."
My response: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!?! TELL ME YOUR SECRET!!!!!!"
Traci has a lot of healthy problems which is one reason why she's on the SBD. She can't really exercise because she has lupus. So I thought in my head "If I tried this diet, and exercised, I could lose even more than Traci in 2 weeks."
So, I talked it over with my mum on Monday, and then started Tuesday.
I got extremely frustrated with myself because last night I slipped up. I went to a friend's party and had a few drinks, without even thinking how they probably had sugar in them. I kicked myself about it all night, dreamt about food, and woke up sad and sure I'd completely screwed up all my work.
I moped in bed until about 3pm, until I was so hungry that I had to get up, even though I didn't think I deserved to eat and had decided to I was going to throw this diet in the trash and have a huge bowl of MultiGrain Cheerios with 2% milk this morning. I stormed downstairs in my pajamas into my parents bedroom, grabbed my mom's scale off their backroom floor, and stomped into the entry way where I placed the scale gently on the floor (although what I really wanted to do was slam it down, but it cost my mom a load of money so I resisted). Stripping off my heavy sweatshirt, I mounted the scale in my Pink! striped flannel pajama pants and lacy pink tank top. Clenching my fist and squeezing my eyes shut I said to myself "If I haven't lost at least 3 pounds, I'm done with this."
I pried one eye open and looked down at the scale. I opened the other eye. I squinted.
No way.
I stepped off and back on the scale, sure that I must have broken it or something.
The scale read that I had lost exactly 7 pounds.
SEVEN.
That's right. From Tuesday, October 12th, to Sunday October 17th, 5 DAYS, I had lost 7 POUNDS.
I don't care if it was water weight. I wouldn't believe it if anyone told me that anyway. I've been guzzling 1-2 liters of fizzy water a day.
I resisted the urge to run out of our house and into the street, screaming and jumping up and down like I'd won the lottery as I called up my mom and told her the news.
So. I can feel the bonds of obesity slowly loosening their grip on me as I continue to struggle to break free.
And I will be free.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
Friends, Work, Faith, Purpose and Paranoid
So, I'm terrible at getting back into this blog thing. I never post, which makes people never read it, and still I wonder why only a few people follow me and once in a blue moon someone comments. I'm used to my old Xanga where I had a huge community of people following me. But then I remember that that took a lot of work and dedication. I also remember that I really didn't have a Facebook at that time. Which is kind of what I abandoned my Xanga for. But I miss the personality of blogging, getting to know new people, and expressing my thoughts and feelings to the world.
Friendships are hard. Why? Because they take lots of work to keep. I have started to reconnect with some old friends, and I'm trying to stay connected and create deeper connections with new friends. Its hard. To do so, I have to keep up with them. I enjoy doing that, but I find that once I have 5 friends I'm trying to keep up with and be close to, I start to feel overwhelmed. Why is that? Obviously I'm capable of having more than 5 close friends that I keep up with, and see on a regular basic. I HAVE to be. So why is it that I find myself realizing that I haven't seen my friend Rachel since we did her last photoshoot? Or Julia since my birthday party? Or Liz since rehearsal? I haven't spent time with Liz except for rehearsal. I haven't had my usual coffee fix with Matt in over a month. All of these are making me feel as though I'm just a horrible friend. I'm terrible about calling someone up to just chat on the phone. I find once I get them on the phone, I'm always trying to get off it because I can't think of much to say. But I also find myself longing for human interaction, beyond acquaintance, but a deep, heartfelt friendship with someone who knows me and my faults but loves me as a friend anyway. Someone willing to do silly, crazy stuff with me, or someone I feel I can trust and cry in front of without feeling overly vulnerable.
Maybe I close myself off. I don't know. But something has to change there, because I feel I'm fighting against myself and my strange desire to be alone sometimes. Maybe its laziness. But whatever it is, I hate it because it always turns into loneliness and self hate.
Businesses are also hard to keep up. I've got three photo shoot session photos that I still need to finish and put on my Facebook page for Whimsical Photography. I also need to post on my Photography business' blog. I like to talk about my photos and I thought it would be a unique way to attract some attention to my new found hobby, and express myself through what I consider to be a new form of art, a new creative channel.
I'm worried about school. Right now, Small Business Management is a breeze. Although I still freak out a little over tests, I find that if I study, I do pretty well. I'm more worried about the fact that at the end of the semester, I have to create a business plan. And that in Fall 2010 I'll be starting my Photography classes and attending school full time.
Until then I need to find a second job. Which is hard. Because as usual, I'm picky about where I want to work and who I want to work with. My dream job is Cup of Joe. I absolutely LOVE it. Its my favorite hang out, you can wear jeans to work, and its just an amazing place where you and everyone else can constantly express themselves creatively. :) However, I work at Barnes & Noble and one of the girls said that I might not get considered because since Barnes & Noble has a little cafe, we're considered as competition. Really? I would call that discrimination. You can't NOT hire me because of the place I'm currently working! Its not like I wouldn't be as dedicated. Honestly, I think (and I wrote this on my application too) that Cup of Joe trumps Starbucks and Barnes & Noble coffee HANDS DOWN. The atmosphere also wins out.
I'm worried I'll have to make a huge scene and get my point known and made that if it happens that I'm being discriminated against. But I shouldn't worry about that until my one-week check back call on Monday.
Also, I worry about my faith. I believe in God, and that He came to this world to save me, took my sin, died for me through crucifixion, was buried in a tomb, rose in 3 days, and ascended into Heaven with a promise of His return for His children, and judgment. I believe that God is love and He loves everyone, that His love is free, and His salvation is a gift, not something we have to earn through good works. I believe that man is basically sinful, not good, and I try to make a conscious effort show Christ's love to others through my love for them. I believe that God doesn't discriminate or limit His love, that He loves liberals, democrats, republicans, conservatives, atheists, murderers, pedophiles and gays, etc. So, why is that sometimes I still doubt His love for me? That I still worry about the afterlife, and whether or not there is a Heaven and if I'll get into it? I know I have Christ in my heart, and I'm working to have Him in my mind at all times. I find myself worrying about the end times as 2012 draws near and everyone says its going to be when the world ends. The Myans may have been right about a lot of things, but they were also the ones that thought whenever there was an eclipse, there was a monster eating the sun and they would jump and yell and chat trying to scare it away. So why should I even worry about any sort of validity?
I worry that I won't find my purpose in life. My niche. The one thing I'm amazing at, and that I can use to be a light to others, to reach out to the world, to make a mark on it.
EDIT: After publishing this post, I realized I had said nothing about my worries of my relationship with my boyfriend. Does that say something? I then start to worry that maybe my relationship isn't as important to me as I thought it was since it wasn't the first thing to pop into my mind when I started this rant, and only did so pop when I had already posted it. I worry about our communication, I'm depressed that we hardly have any pictures from this past year, it feels like deja vu. I worry that maybe I'm not giving enough. That I'm too selfish, or maybe to harsh sometimes. Maybe I expect too much. I have ideals. But maybe its not realistic to expect a man to live up to all those expectations. Also, maybe its too much to expect a 24 year old to be acting like a full grown man. I have no idea. I know that guys really never grow up, but it is too much to ask for some stability? I don't know. And then maybe I'm the one who is acting like I'm in high school. Maybe I'm the problem. Maybe there was no problem and I created one...I have no idea.
I also worry about my weight and being in shape. I currently in the process of trying to lose 30-40 pounds, and to get toned and in shape. I want some muscle in these spaghetti arms! I want an awesome stomach. I want to feel sexy and attractive. I pride myself on looking nice, but its hard when you just feel ugly all the time. It also wears on your relationship because I find that I never want to be touched because I don't want anyone to feel and notice the ugliness on my body that I'm trying to desperately to hide. I keep making date goals that I want to get in shape by, lose this amount before, etc. but then find myself sitting on the couch watching some TV show, feeling completely deflated with a tissue box in one hand a bowl of chocolate ice cream in the other. Was I ever in shape? Its hard to remember the days that I would look in the mirror and love the way I looked. When all clothes fit me wherever I shopped, and I didn't have to worry about something not looking good on my body. Is it selfish and narcissist of me to want to look amazing, to turn heads and get compliments? I know I focus too much on appearance when I know that's not what really matters. Its sad, but my looks are where a lot of my confidence comes from. Personality second.
And then I realize this: I worry waaaaaaaaaaaay too much. All the time. About everything. Seriously? No wonder I'm so stressed. I can't get away from myself. I hate people that worry all the time because it stresses me out, but then I do the exact same thing. I'm a hypocrite. How do I stop worrying? I want to be chill, laid back, and fun. How do I do that? Do I simply stop caring about things? But how does that help?
As I started out this post, I was meaning to give an update on my life, but I find that I've just uncovered a new truth about myself that needs to change. And I need help doing that. Does anyone else struggle with this? Please, if you do, make your voice and presence known.
Friendships are hard. Why? Because they take lots of work to keep. I have started to reconnect with some old friends, and I'm trying to stay connected and create deeper connections with new friends. Its hard. To do so, I have to keep up with them. I enjoy doing that, but I find that once I have 5 friends I'm trying to keep up with and be close to, I start to feel overwhelmed. Why is that? Obviously I'm capable of having more than 5 close friends that I keep up with, and see on a regular basic. I HAVE to be. So why is it that I find myself realizing that I haven't seen my friend Rachel since we did her last photoshoot? Or Julia since my birthday party? Or Liz since rehearsal? I haven't spent time with Liz except for rehearsal. I haven't had my usual coffee fix with Matt in over a month. All of these are making me feel as though I'm just a horrible friend. I'm terrible about calling someone up to just chat on the phone. I find once I get them on the phone, I'm always trying to get off it because I can't think of much to say. But I also find myself longing for human interaction, beyond acquaintance, but a deep, heartfelt friendship with someone who knows me and my faults but loves me as a friend anyway. Someone willing to do silly, crazy stuff with me, or someone I feel I can trust and cry in front of without feeling overly vulnerable.
Maybe I close myself off. I don't know. But something has to change there, because I feel I'm fighting against myself and my strange desire to be alone sometimes. Maybe its laziness. But whatever it is, I hate it because it always turns into loneliness and self hate.
Businesses are also hard to keep up. I've got three photo shoot session photos that I still need to finish and put on my Facebook page for Whimsical Photography. I also need to post on my Photography business' blog. I like to talk about my photos and I thought it would be a unique way to attract some attention to my new found hobby, and express myself through what I consider to be a new form of art, a new creative channel.
I'm worried about school. Right now, Small Business Management is a breeze. Although I still freak out a little over tests, I find that if I study, I do pretty well. I'm more worried about the fact that at the end of the semester, I have to create a business plan. And that in Fall 2010 I'll be starting my Photography classes and attending school full time.
Until then I need to find a second job. Which is hard. Because as usual, I'm picky about where I want to work and who I want to work with. My dream job is Cup of Joe. I absolutely LOVE it. Its my favorite hang out, you can wear jeans to work, and its just an amazing place where you and everyone else can constantly express themselves creatively. :) However, I work at Barnes & Noble and one of the girls said that I might not get considered because since Barnes & Noble has a little cafe, we're considered as competition. Really? I would call that discrimination. You can't NOT hire me because of the place I'm currently working! Its not like I wouldn't be as dedicated. Honestly, I think (and I wrote this on my application too) that Cup of Joe trumps Starbucks and Barnes & Noble coffee HANDS DOWN. The atmosphere also wins out.
I'm worried I'll have to make a huge scene and get my point known and made that if it happens that I'm being discriminated against. But I shouldn't worry about that until my one-week check back call on Monday.
Also, I worry about my faith. I believe in God, and that He came to this world to save me, took my sin, died for me through crucifixion, was buried in a tomb, rose in 3 days, and ascended into Heaven with a promise of His return for His children, and judgment. I believe that God is love and He loves everyone, that His love is free, and His salvation is a gift, not something we have to earn through good works. I believe that man is basically sinful, not good, and I try to make a conscious effort show Christ's love to others through my love for them. I believe that God doesn't discriminate or limit His love, that He loves liberals, democrats, republicans, conservatives, atheists, murderers, pedophiles and gays, etc. So, why is that sometimes I still doubt His love for me? That I still worry about the afterlife, and whether or not there is a Heaven and if I'll get into it? I know I have Christ in my heart, and I'm working to have Him in my mind at all times. I find myself worrying about the end times as 2012 draws near and everyone says its going to be when the world ends. The Myans may have been right about a lot of things, but they were also the ones that thought whenever there was an eclipse, there was a monster eating the sun and they would jump and yell and chat trying to scare it away. So why should I even worry about any sort of validity?
I worry that I won't find my purpose in life. My niche. The one thing I'm amazing at, and that I can use to be a light to others, to reach out to the world, to make a mark on it.
EDIT: After publishing this post, I realized I had said nothing about my worries of my relationship with my boyfriend. Does that say something? I then start to worry that maybe my relationship isn't as important to me as I thought it was since it wasn't the first thing to pop into my mind when I started this rant, and only did so pop when I had already posted it. I worry about our communication, I'm depressed that we hardly have any pictures from this past year, it feels like deja vu. I worry that maybe I'm not giving enough. That I'm too selfish, or maybe to harsh sometimes. Maybe I expect too much. I have ideals. But maybe its not realistic to expect a man to live up to all those expectations. Also, maybe its too much to expect a 24 year old to be acting like a full grown man. I have no idea. I know that guys really never grow up, but it is too much to ask for some stability? I don't know. And then maybe I'm the one who is acting like I'm in high school. Maybe I'm the problem. Maybe there was no problem and I created one...I have no idea.
I also worry about my weight and being in shape. I currently in the process of trying to lose 30-40 pounds, and to get toned and in shape. I want some muscle in these spaghetti arms! I want an awesome stomach. I want to feel sexy and attractive. I pride myself on looking nice, but its hard when you just feel ugly all the time. It also wears on your relationship because I find that I never want to be touched because I don't want anyone to feel and notice the ugliness on my body that I'm trying to desperately to hide. I keep making date goals that I want to get in shape by, lose this amount before, etc. but then find myself sitting on the couch watching some TV show, feeling completely deflated with a tissue box in one hand a bowl of chocolate ice cream in the other. Was I ever in shape? Its hard to remember the days that I would look in the mirror and love the way I looked. When all clothes fit me wherever I shopped, and I didn't have to worry about something not looking good on my body. Is it selfish and narcissist of me to want to look amazing, to turn heads and get compliments? I know I focus too much on appearance when I know that's not what really matters. Its sad, but my looks are where a lot of my confidence comes from. Personality second.
And then I realize this: I worry waaaaaaaaaaaay too much. All the time. About everything. Seriously? No wonder I'm so stressed. I can't get away from myself. I hate people that worry all the time because it stresses me out, but then I do the exact same thing. I'm a hypocrite. How do I stop worrying? I want to be chill, laid back, and fun. How do I do that? Do I simply stop caring about things? But how does that help?
As I started out this post, I was meaning to give an update on my life, but I find that I've just uncovered a new truth about myself that needs to change. And I need help doing that. Does anyone else struggle with this? Please, if you do, make your voice and presence known.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Whimsical Beginnings
So, I know its been a while since I last posted, and I promise I'll try to keep up with it more often.
Some updates:
Recently, I decided on a major in Photography. Hawkeye has one of the best programs in the country (or so everyone keeps telling me), which is actually really hard to believe considering its a community school and in Waterloo, IOWA. No place special, let me tell you. But they do have a 2 year long waiting list, so that says something. Anyway, I applied and got accepted, and while I can't start my actual classes until Fall 2011, I can still take my last Gen Ed, Small Business Management, so I can figure out how to jump start my own business. I decided it was a waste of time and money to complete my 2 year long gen ed program, when I could already take my major classes. So I'm taking one class, with no excuse for anything but an A, and working as much as possible. I hope to find a second job soon, hopefully at Cup of Joe, but who knows.
In other news, I tried out for Lampost Theater's musical production of "Pyrates!", a musical about Mary Reed, a female pirate. I saw it when they first wrote the play and put it on 4 years ago and absolutely LOVED it. So when I heard they were doing it again, I jumped at the chance to be in a musical this year, since I'd passed up "Joseph and the Technicolored Dreamcoat" this summer at WCP. I got into the cast, and we've had our first rehearsal where we talked about the goals for the show, and learned the main theme song. However, none of the cast members know what part they have, including me. Its kind of a mystery as to when we'll find out, and its definitely not what I'm used to. As usual, I'm shooting high for the stars, hoping for the part of Mary Reed, and hoping I can be happy and shine even if I don't get the part. I'll keep you updated (I know, I always say that)!
Since I have a while before I can start my photography classes and get any real professional instruction, I decided it wouldn't hurt to get some experience of my own, hands on. I posted a status on my Facebook saying "Free photoshoots, unlimited shots, any takers?" and got 11 responses right off the bat. Eleven responses may not sound like a lot to you, but its a lot. Really. Setting up times with everyone is difficult, and I try to get to those who contacted me first.
Someone wants me to take pictures of their baby chihuahuas, two friends want me to take pictures of their graduating teens, a friend wants me to take pictures of his two year old son, and a scattered amount of people just want me to take pictures of them, posting in reply to my status "Take muh picture!"
So far, I've taken photos of my boyfriend Anthony to try out locations, and then set up and completed separate shoots with my friends Julia, Aubrey, and then took photos of one of my best friends and her fiance for their weddings invitations. I just set up a Wednesday afternoon shoot for one of the senior picture requests for 2pm.
Its so much fun taking photos. I never really realized how much I enjoyed it. One morning, I honestly just sat up in bed and said "I'm going to do a Photography major and own my own business". So far, prospects are looking pretty good. :) I haven't decided yet if I'm going to specialize in any sort of photography such as Portraits, Weddings, or Pets. Right now, I'm just doing a bit of everything, whatever I can get.
So, I've been debating about whether I want to create a new blog for my photos, or stick with this one. I'm thinking a new one. But no worries, I am not leaving you, I will continue to update on both. :)
Thanks to whoever reads this for...well...reading.
Your Modern Day Anne,
~Cassie
Some updates:
Recently, I decided on a major in Photography. Hawkeye has one of the best programs in the country (or so everyone keeps telling me), which is actually really hard to believe considering its a community school and in Waterloo, IOWA. No place special, let me tell you. But they do have a 2 year long waiting list, so that says something. Anyway, I applied and got accepted, and while I can't start my actual classes until Fall 2011, I can still take my last Gen Ed, Small Business Management, so I can figure out how to jump start my own business. I decided it was a waste of time and money to complete my 2 year long gen ed program, when I could already take my major classes. So I'm taking one class, with no excuse for anything but an A, and working as much as possible. I hope to find a second job soon, hopefully at Cup of Joe, but who knows.
In other news, I tried out for Lampost Theater's musical production of "Pyrates!", a musical about Mary Reed, a female pirate. I saw it when they first wrote the play and put it on 4 years ago and absolutely LOVED it. So when I heard they were doing it again, I jumped at the chance to be in a musical this year, since I'd passed up "Joseph and the Technicolored Dreamcoat" this summer at WCP. I got into the cast, and we've had our first rehearsal where we talked about the goals for the show, and learned the main theme song. However, none of the cast members know what part they have, including me. Its kind of a mystery as to when we'll find out, and its definitely not what I'm used to. As usual, I'm shooting high for the stars, hoping for the part of Mary Reed, and hoping I can be happy and shine even if I don't get the part. I'll keep you updated (I know, I always say that)!
Since I have a while before I can start my photography classes and get any real professional instruction, I decided it wouldn't hurt to get some experience of my own, hands on. I posted a status on my Facebook saying "Free photoshoots, unlimited shots, any takers?" and got 11 responses right off the bat. Eleven responses may not sound like a lot to you, but its a lot. Really. Setting up times with everyone is difficult, and I try to get to those who contacted me first.
Someone wants me to take pictures of their baby chihuahuas, two friends want me to take pictures of their graduating teens, a friend wants me to take pictures of his two year old son, and a scattered amount of people just want me to take pictures of them, posting in reply to my status "Take muh picture!"
So far, I've taken photos of my boyfriend Anthony to try out locations, and then set up and completed separate shoots with my friends Julia, Aubrey, and then took photos of one of my best friends and her fiance for their weddings invitations. I just set up a Wednesday afternoon shoot for one of the senior picture requests for 2pm.
Its so much fun taking photos. I never really realized how much I enjoyed it. One morning, I honestly just sat up in bed and said "I'm going to do a Photography major and own my own business". So far, prospects are looking pretty good. :) I haven't decided yet if I'm going to specialize in any sort of photography such as Portraits, Weddings, or Pets. Right now, I'm just doing a bit of everything, whatever I can get.
So, I've been debating about whether I want to create a new blog for my photos, or stick with this one. I'm thinking a new one. But no worries, I am not leaving you, I will continue to update on both. :)
Thanks to whoever reads this for...well...reading.
Your Modern Day Anne,
~Cassie
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Day In, Day Out...Nothing New To Talk About
So my current Facebook status is: Cassie Yost is really getting frustrated/irritated with my job.
Why? Keep on reading.
I like my job, the people I work with are awesome, however I feel like I'm stuck behind this stupid cash register and not gaining any sort new experience (or building on the little I have) in different areas of the store that I could use to find and establish myself in other future jobs. I am no longer allowed to take shifts for anyone in the store unless the Manager has enough people to move around so that I end up at cashwrap AGAIN. I feel like I'm being treated like a newbie with zip training, but I've been there for almost a year! Hello, its not my fault that I don't know how to do anything anywhere else in the store anymore, or that I've lost all my previous experience because...well, nobody lets me do anything! This has been going on since early this year! If not longer. I've lost track, kind of like the tallies on a prison cell wall. What do they literally expect to have happen when I don't get practice anywhere else? It can't be good for them either, because they lose flexibility with me.
There is nothing more frustrating for me than to feel like I'm accomplishing absolutely NOTHING with the hours I put in at my job. Day in, day out, its the same old thing:
Hellooo, how are you?
Great, did you find everything okay?
Do you have a members card to save 10% today?
Have you at least heard about it? Saving up to 40% off some purchases?
Do you want this all in one bag?
Please sign.
Receipt with you or in the bag?
And any other random chitchat I can come up with. Gaaaahhh!!!
I'm seriously ready to pull my hair out. Almost EVERYONE knows I hate where I'm at, that I want to be moved around.
I want to be trained in Customer Service because then at least I can walk around the store and being doing stuff besides just standing behind the cash register, trapped in a little area, tidying it up until there is no more tidying to be done.
I want to be trained in Music&DVD because I really enjoy both those things, music is a passion for me, I like helping people find new music and finding new music myself.
I want to be trained in Café because it would be fun to know how to make all those awesome drinks, recommend my favorites and then have that training already if I ever decided to apply at Starbucks or Cup of Joe (I LOVE Cup of Joe, I really want to work there).
But no. When I ask directly about being moved around, I feel as though they are just trying to humor me by putting me on Nook for 1 hour, Kids Customer Service for another hour, and then throwing me back up at cash wrap for the rest of my shift and leave me up there for all my future shifts until I bitch again.
Seriously?
I'm really getting fed up. I've been looking for a new job, because I really need to be working full time. However, I don't know how much longer I can last behind a cash register asking every smiling face (or not) "Would you like the receipt with you or in the bag? Have a nice day!" when my day is as gloomy as the raincloud over Eeyore.
But yeah, just felt the need to vent a little. Thanks for reading. :)
~Julia
P.s. In case you're wondering why a lot of the posts on here have different sign off names at the bottom, its just because I like to change it up and sign off with different names I really happen to like at the time, usually more than my own. :)
Why? Keep on reading.
I like my job, the people I work with are awesome, however I feel like I'm stuck behind this stupid cash register and not gaining any sort new experience (or building on the little I have) in different areas of the store that I could use to find and establish myself in other future jobs. I am no longer allowed to take shifts for anyone in the store unless the Manager has enough people to move around so that I end up at cashwrap AGAIN. I feel like I'm being treated like a newbie with zip training, but I've been there for almost a year! Hello, its not my fault that I don't know how to do anything anywhere else in the store anymore, or that I've lost all my previous experience because...well, nobody lets me do anything! This has been going on since early this year! If not longer. I've lost track, kind of like the tallies on a prison cell wall. What do they literally expect to have happen when I don't get practice anywhere else? It can't be good for them either, because they lose flexibility with me.
There is nothing more frustrating for me than to feel like I'm accomplishing absolutely NOTHING with the hours I put in at my job. Day in, day out, its the same old thing:
Hellooo, how are you?
Great, did you find everything okay?
Do you have a members card to save 10% today?
Have you at least heard about it? Saving up to 40% off some purchases?
Do you want this all in one bag?
Please sign.
Receipt with you or in the bag?
And any other random chitchat I can come up with. Gaaaahhh!!!
I'm seriously ready to pull my hair out. Almost EVERYONE knows I hate where I'm at, that I want to be moved around.
I want to be trained in Customer Service because then at least I can walk around the store and being doing stuff besides just standing behind the cash register, trapped in a little area, tidying it up until there is no more tidying to be done.
I want to be trained in Music&DVD because I really enjoy both those things, music is a passion for me, I like helping people find new music and finding new music myself.
I want to be trained in Café because it would be fun to know how to make all those awesome drinks, recommend my favorites and then have that training already if I ever decided to apply at Starbucks or Cup of Joe (I LOVE Cup of Joe, I really want to work there).
But no. When I ask directly about being moved around, I feel as though they are just trying to humor me by putting me on Nook for 1 hour, Kids Customer Service for another hour, and then throwing me back up at cash wrap for the rest of my shift and leave me up there for all my future shifts until I bitch again.
Seriously?
I'm really getting fed up. I've been looking for a new job, because I really need to be working full time. However, I don't know how much longer I can last behind a cash register asking every smiling face (or not) "Would you like the receipt with you or in the bag? Have a nice day!" when my day is as gloomy as the raincloud over Eeyore.
But yeah, just felt the need to vent a little. Thanks for reading. :)
~Julia
P.s. In case you're wondering why a lot of the posts on here have different sign off names at the bottom, its just because I like to change it up and sign off with different names I really happen to like at the time, usually more than my own. :)
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Here Comes The Sun...
So I am pretty much loving my life right now. I'm not sure when that turn around happened, it could be when I started going to Lampost's bible study/BASIC after being invited by my friend Liz a bunch of times, until I finally had the night off from work to make it out! Its been awesome to spend time doing fun activities (this is no normal bible study!) with amazing people who are just as thirsty for God and struggling with
the same things that I am. Definitely a huge encouragement, and I find that I no longer feel so alone in a crowd of people, or out of place.
In my spare time I've signed up for a single class this fall semester to complete my Gen Ed's in order to be eligible for Hawkeye's Photography Major program. I've already been excepted, so I'll be taking this class and working as much as possible to kill time until Fall 2011 when I can start. :)
I also have been trying to nurture and cultivate existin
g and new friendships, and to be serving God and my friends and family as
much as I can.
My friend Liz is getting married on November 27th! Soooo exciting!!! She is marrying my friend Mike Runge. They are so perfect together! Definitely an inspiration for my own relationship.
Picture time!
Liz & Mike at Lampost's 80's Prom. So fun!
Liz & I
I've offered to make pies for Liz's wedding, so hopefully we will have a taste test soon! Also, we'll hopefully find time to drive around the Waterloo/Cedar Falls area to scope out some cool places for her wedding photos, and maybe take some fun photos of our own while we're at it. :) I may also see if I have time to volunteer to pick up their wedding photographers the day before the wedding since I'm interested in a Photography major and I find it very enlightening and inspiring to talk to fellow photographers who are already in the business.
Fun events coming up are a shopping trip with Liz (yay, shopping!!), and then a camping trip with the Lampost crew!
I'm hoping to polish my acting skills and bask in the lime light a little soon by trying out for Lampost's "Pirates!" play that's coming up, and maybe "Treasure Island" or "The Big 5O" at WCP.
Anthony and I are also investing valuable time in each other, trying to avoid distracting media when we're together, and learning more about how the other person ticks. We also enjoy coming up with new ways to have fun or go on dates without spending much money. Its definitely been fun. :)
So that's my life so far, keeping busy, working, Anthony, friends, family and God are all my priorities right now, and things seem to be going my way.
I'm feeling alive, and loving the life God has given me. Summer is shaping up to be pretty amazing this year. Its a good feeling. :)
<3 's ,
~Cassie
Monday, July 5, 2010
Some Day My Prince Will Come...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some day my prince will comeSome day we'll meet again
And away to his castle we'll go
To be happy forever I know
Some day when spring is here
We'll find our love anew
And the birds will sing
And wedding bells will ring
Some day when my dreams come true
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you ever had an ideal? Someone you measured all men up to? A man that could be real or fictional?
My ideals changed a lot through out life. My first one was probably Gilbert, from Anne of Green Gables. Tall, with his dark hair, so handsome. Loving Anne for all that she is, but being completely honest with her, their chemistry, their arguments, and Anne punishing Gil, but then forgiving him for how could she not?
Anne: Fred is... extremely good.
Marilla: That is exactly what he should be! Would you want to marry a wicked man?
Anne: Well, I wouldn't marry anyone who was really wicked, but I think I'd like it if he could be wicked and wouldn't.
~~~~~
Anne: Our friendship, it won't ever be the same now. Why can't he (Gilbert) just be sensible instead of acting like a sentimental schoolboy?
Marilla: Because he loves you.
Anne: He loves me? I can't know why.
Marilla: Because you made Josie Pye and Ruby Gillis, and all of those wishy-washy young ladies who waltzed by him look like spineless nothings.
Anne: Marilla, he's hardly my idea of a romantic suitor.
Marilla: Anne, you've tricked something out of that imagination of yours that you call romance. Have you forgotten how he gave up the Avonlea school for you so you could stay here with me? He picked you up everyday in his carriage so that you could study your courses together? Don't toss it away for some ridiculous ideal that doesn't exist.
~~~~~~
See? I really AM a modern day Anne Shirley.
My next ideal was Prince Char from my favorite book, "Ella Enchanted". He was so wonderfully heroic, and sweet, and funny. Willing to have fun with Ella, rather than being stuck up royalty. He fell in love with her silliness, her jokes, her pranks, her spirit, determination and courage. She fell in love with the way he loved her, his genuine character, his chivalry, his need to protect and care for her, how he was always up for any adventure with her, no matter how ridiculous.
After that, it was Mr. Knightley from Jane Austen's "Emma".
And then it was Dimitri from "Anastasia".
Then it was Mr. Big from "Sex and the City" (shortest lived).
Now, my current ideal is Jim Clancy, from my favorite TV show, "Ghost Whisperer".
My ideals always have to do with the character of the man, his looks of course, and then how he and the heroine met and fell in love. Also, how he values others compared to himself and how he interacts, what he cares about, and what his passions are.
In the "Ghost Whisperer", Jim and Melinda meet when her apartment building starts on fire. Jim is a fireman (oooo, sexy! Uniformed hero!) and hurries Melinda out of the building along with others. He quickly moves her along by her arm, as she complains "I can walk just fine on my own, thank you!" He pushes her under the yellow taped off parameter around the apartment saying "Your welcome." She yells "My shoe!" as he rushes off again, then stops grabs her shoe and throws it at her feet before running back into the burning building. Melinda sees the ghost of a woman who's husband is still trapped in the building. Melinda yells at Jim, gets his attention and insists that there is still someone in the building, even after he assures her twice that its clean. He still goes in though on her word, and they find the man right where his wife's ghost said he'd be and get him out before the building collapses in flames.
Later, as Melinda is walking away in the rain with her umbrella, the wind gusts and turns her umbrella inside out. As she's struggling, Jim jumps off the fire engine as its getting ready to leave, and runs to her aid. He tries to fix her umbrella but just ends up ruining it even more. Melinda throws it away, and continues walking, not really giving poor Jim the time of day. He keeps trying though, following her offering to buy her a new umbrella. When he asks if she's upset, she says "You threw my shoe at me and wouldn't believe me about the man!" Jim defends himself jokingly, "Tossed. I tossed it to you. There's a big difference. And how did you know he was in there anyway?" Melinda continues to walk saying it doesn't matter, but after a persistent Jim asks her if she's hungry and offers to take her out to the "Umbrella Restaurant", a curious Melinda agrees.
The "Umbrella Restaurant" turns out to be a hot dog stand covered by a green and yellow umbrella. They chat on a bench, Jim asks her out, and eventually they end up dating and getting married.
On their anniversary of meeting (yes, they celebrate the day they met), Melinda gives Jim a mini hot dog stand with a yellow and green umbrella that actually makes hotdogs. She's sad because she believes he's forgotten their anniversary. He loves the hotdog stand, and asks her to get his coat because he has to leave to go play poker with his friends. When she gets to the closet and opens it, and wrapped red umbrella falls out of the closet. Jim comes up behind her with champagne glasses and kisses her cheek, as Melinda starts to tear up and cry. She smiles happily and kisses him saying "I thought you forgot!".
Yes, its probably cheesy. But I love it. And I've always imagined meeting the man of my dreams in some way like that that we could celebrate.
Anthony and I met at Barnes & Noble, my first week working there. Anthony works there too. I remember watching him shelve books as I manned costumer service, alone, bored because the store was practically empty. Everyone had introduced themselves to me by now, all except for Anthony. I had decided that he was either really shy, gay or just a jerk. So I went up to him that day and just started talking to him, introduced myself, and asked him about random things like his age, what he was going to school for, how long he'd worked at Barnes & Noble, etc.
One of the books in his pile was "The Notebook" by Nicolas Sparks. I passingly mentioned I loved the movie but had never read the book. He said he loved the movie too. I'd stared blankly at him, because I'd never met a straight guy who liked "The Notebook". Even though my gaydar hadn't gone off, it still flew out of my mouth: "Are you gay?" I kicked myself inside for speaking without thinking. He laughed and said "Noo, why would you think that?" When I said it was because he loved "The Notebook", he said that he liked it because it had good acting, a good story line and was a good movie overall.
After that he asked me to go hang out with work people when they went out to Main St. and just randomly invited me to group things, before he asked me out on a double date with his sister and her boyfriend. Later he asked me out on our first date: Going to "Chicago" for some pizza, shopping at American Eagle (our favorite store) trying to pass the 45min wait, and then watching a movie at his place after we finished eating.
I think we went on one or two dates before becoming exclusive. It always seemed really quick to me, and I'm not sure if I was really ready to jump into a relationship that fast after barely dating him. He said he asked me that fast because he didn't want anyone else to steal me away. Which is sweet. :) We dated probably 3 months before he told me he loved me on a ski trip in January.
I'm not really complaining about my relationship. Its been going great, we're both happy. I guess just being the drama queen that I am, I was expecting something a little bit more glamorous, like Jim and Melinda's meeting. Anthony can't remember the day we met, and neither can I. There really isn't anything memorable or funny about our meeting, except for my blabbering out "Are you gay??". Anthony IS tall, with dark brown hair (looks black most days), and brown eyes. When I first saw him, I remember thinking he was pretty good looking, studious with his glasses. He's pretty skinny though, and doesn't have much muscle tone (though he's been working out again lately so maybe I'll have me a Taylor Launter in a few months, haha). But then again, I'm not very much like Melinda Gordon either. I've got red hair, pale skin, blue eyes, and I've gained a little weight since we started dating that I need to lose. I'm not much of a bombshell myself as of late, so why should I expect him to be?
I just wish our story had been a little more like my ideal: Melinda Gordon and Jim Clancy.
I want a great story about our meeting. I want to celebrate the day we met, but we can't remember what it was because it really wasn't very memorable.
Anthony and I argue a lot, and its usually about silly stuff. It can get pretty childish sometimes, and it frustrates me because in the back of my mind, I picture Melinda and Jim who rarely argue, and when they do its about adult things and ends with a kiss and full understanding of the other.
Anthony and I have good moments, but we don't really do a lot of cute dates or making dinner together or anything cliche like that. I wish we did.
I'm only 21, I know. I've got my whole life ahead of me, and that makes me also wonder if maybe that ideal is out there, and should I be looking? But I'm comfortable with Anthony, he's good for me, I do love him I think, but do I really know what love is, this early in my life?
I guess I'm just a little bored. Maybe we're in a rut? Also, Anthony is set on marriage, which is fine, but I just feel like now I know how everything is going to end/begin, like what is even the point of dating anymore? I feel as though this part of my life is already over, and I'm just waiting it out until he pops the question for the new part of my life to begin. I feel like all the fun and excitement has been sucked out. I'm not satisfied with this part of my life yet. There's still so much I want to do, that I feel I wouldn't be able to do if we were married. I don't want to assume we'll be together forever. I guess I just miss the fun and excitement of just dating and enjoying being together.
I know a lot of fun, creative stuff costs money, but there's so many inexpensive things we could do, even free.
I guess I'm also wondering if I'm being a little ridiculous. Because I'm wondering if Anthony and I are really right for each other, if maybe we're just in a rut because we ARE comfortable, or if I should still be looking for my Jim Clancy ideal.
I always thought I'd meet my ideal in a quirky, fun, memorable way just like Jim and Melinda did. A story that I could tell everyone with giggles, smiles that make me glow when I mention his name, and he'd tell his friends about how we met, how wonderful I am. A story we could tell to future kids maybe. That we'd go on fun dates and he'd pursue me in creative ways. That we'd go through the courting stages, when he's trying to impress me by making me dinner, taking me out on creative dates and surprising me with flowers. Trying to convince me that he's the perfect one for me, that I should pick him, date him, love him. We'd become official, and that the same kind of dates would continue, that we'd fall in love, eventually he'd propose in this super romantic creative way, and then we'd have an amazingly beautiful non-traditional (outside) wedding that everyone would remember as one of the best weddings they'd ever been to. We'd have the amazing romantic honeymoon at a Bed & Breakfast, someplace tropical or historic, and come home to our cute little house that we'd decorated in the most unique, homey way, and that we'd continue to live in newly wed bliss.
I guess I was expecting to be swept off my feet, but so far, I've felt pretty grounded.
Any thoughts anyone? Have any of you ever experienced these feelings, thoughts? Have you ever had an ideal? If so, who? I could really use some feedback.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Chills...
Sooo, I have a cold. A bad one. The kind that makes your whole head ache, behind your eyes, all the way past your cheekbones. The kind that when you talk, the own vibration of your voice makes your head pound harder.
Yeeeeup. It sucks. I've had to skip work the past two days because of how disgusting I feel, and I would hate to pass it to anyone else. Plus, this morning, I lost most of my voice. Which is kind of entertaining for me, I enjoy it when I can't talk right, when it changes my voice. Its entertaining, because I have no control over it, just like if you suck in helium, and it makes your voice really high, or if you have a bubble in your throat. Weird, I know. But its an easy way to entertain myself when I have nothing else to do while stuck at home.
On the other hand, its a bummer because when this happens, it usually means I won't regain my singing voice and normal range that I work hard to keep and extend for at least a month. It sucks because after I had pneumonia, it kind of ruined my singing voice, and even all of my work hasn't allowed me to completely regain it without coughing. So I'm worried that my cold will ruin all I've gained.
Also, its Sturgis Falls weekend. I missed My Waterloo Days while I was on a horrible trip in Tennessee. I was really excited about it because I wanted Anthony and I to go together. I thought it'd be a great memory maker. But I missed it, so I don't want to miss Sturgis this weekend, even if I'm sick. It started Friday, and ends on Sunday.
Granted, Sturgis is a lot smaller than My Waterloo Days. There isn't a ferris wheel, which is my favorite ride, but oh well. I figure we can still eat some funnel cake and ride the carousel.
I'm scheduled to work 12-5 tomorrow. I'm going to try to get it off, otherwise I'll call in sick. Is it awful that I feel that I'm sick enough that I don't want to work for 5 hours, plus pass the germs on or blow my nose constantly, and get completely worn out as I'm not allowed to sit at all during my shift? But I feel well enough/determined enough to go to Sturgis with Anthony on Sunday for just an hour, so I can get that funnel cake and ride that carousel and snap a few pictures?
I don't know. But I do know I hate being sick. With a passion. Uhg!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Summer days, drifting away...
I love summer. With a passion. Its the season I look forward to all year long.
Summer means an explosion of green, warm breezes, lazy Sundays, Cup of Joe with live music on Friday and Saturday nights, open late. Spending time with meaningful friends, making meaningful memories, making new friends, or reestablishing an old connection. I love it. :)
Summer feels packed full of opportunity and possibilities. Like anything can happen!
I can't believe its already almost July, and I haven't even done half the things I've wanted to.
I played at Open Mic at Jamesons last night, it went okay the first two songs (I sang "Wish You Were" by Kate Voegele, and then "Halfway Without You" by myself) but when I went to sing my last song, "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen, I completely forgot which fret I was supposed to be on, and how it started out. Disastrous. I tried a few times before finally giving up with a smile.
I was pretty down about it, but lucky for me, I was surrounded by awesome people: My boyfriend, Anthony, who hugged me while I cried a few mortified tears. Karla, who came up, hugged me and told me that it happens to everyone. And then my super awesome friend, Kate, who told me to just practice and come back, sign up to be first and be like "I figured it out, bitches!" and blow them away. I felt a lot better, and I've already started choosing my songs for next week. :)
I'm trying to branch out, so if anyone has any songs they like, let me know. I really want to learn a variety.
What I'm currently into:
Regina Spektor
Kate Voegele
Bethany Joy Lenz Galeotti (Everly)
Coldplay
Michael Buble
I love classics, oldies, and anything acoustic. I'm an indie fan, but I'll play just about anything. :)
Things I want to do this summer:
1. Go on a road trip with my boyfriend, or a friend.
2. Go swimming at the Water Park.
3. Go to a fair, ride the Ferris Wheel and eat funnel cake.
4. Go barefoot.
5. Have a picnic.
6. Try camping (kinda scary for me, since I fear bugs, and am not particularly a fan of using the outdoors as a bathroom)
7. Write a blog, start documenting my life a little. :) IN PROCESS.
8. Take lots of pictures and make a scrapbook.
9. Paint my room, and display my art.
10. Take pictures of friends and landscape, animals and just whatever to start building my photography portfolio.
Yes, in case I haven't mentioned earlier, I've been accepted into the photography program at Hawkeye Community College here in town. Its apparently the second best photography school in the Nation. Who knew! In Iowa! Wow. Lucky me! =)
This weekend is Sturgis Falls, so I'm excited about going. Hopefully will get that #3 on the list knocked out. Thinking I'll probably go with Anthony or Kate. Psyched!
Also, the 4th of July is coming up. I'm way excited since its my all-time favorite holiday. That's right, not Christmas, not Thanksgiving, not my birthday. I LOVE the 4th of July.
So yeah, there is a quick update. I've been working a lot, so I'm really sorry for not posting lately. =/ I will try to keep on top of things from now on, even if its just a short post once a week.
Hope you all are having a wonderful, fun filled summer!
~Dia
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Midnight Adventure
So Anthony and I went grocery shopping at Wally's World tonight, because he never buys anything healthy unless I go with him. This guy can literally live off Mr. Freeze pops.
So we're driving down Hudson back to his apartment when suddenly we see a huge bright flash of light. At first we thought it was heat lightening, but we didn't think it felt very humid.
Suddenly all the stop lights went out and everything went black. According to Anthony, a transformer blew up over at the Power Plant, which is right next to his apartment complex.
We got to his apartment and started lighting the candles we'd just coincidentally bought. I went out on to the balcony where I started flashing my candle at all the other people on surrounding balconies who were holding flash lights and candles. It was pretty sweet.
Some guys in the building next to Anthony's were out on their balcony drunk and smoking pot. I chatted them up for a while, and they asked what I did tonight. I said that I'd just played my guitar and watched TV. Immediately, Shawn (one of the drunk guys who asked my first name and introduced himself. He started calling me Kum By Ya after I mentioned I played guitar) demanded I get my guitar out and play it. What the heck! So I did. :)
After a few minutes of playing and yelling hellos to other people who were walking around, out on their balconies or whatever, a chick comes out on the balcony next to ours and yells at me.
"Hey!"
Me: "What's up?"
Random Bitch: Some people have class in the morning and don't want to be kept up all night listening to someone play stupid campfire songs.
Me: Sorry...
PSH! Just because I'm playing my guitar out on a balcony under the stars with my candle by my feet does not make me a cowgirl playing campfire songs.
So I stopped, Anthony said he wanted to go blare his stereo after that, and Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum said "F*** that b**ch! Play it anyway! Screw her! Its a free country. I swear, if I could see your face now, Cassie, I'd ask you to marry me. You are f***ing awesome and your name sounds like the name of an angel. PLAY that guitar, don't be scared!...hey, do you have anything I can role this s**t up in?"
Hahahaha. :D Drunk people crack me up.
After that, Anthony and I went back inside because he was cold and watched four people playing Hide & Seek outside his window in the open community area (Anthony's apartment over looks the pool, volley ball court, picnic tables, grills, work out center, Welcome Center, etc. and you can see all but two of the other apartment buildings.
Downsides to the night: After I flushed the toilet, the bowl filled with rusty water. Ewwwww....dunno if the faucet is like that too since I didn't run it long enough to find out.
Otherwise, it was a good night, definitely entertaining. :D I love stuff like power outages. They don't bother me, even though Anthony was freaking about the food a little. I blew it off because all I could think about was how we were in town, not the country, and how my family had been without power for a week and a half in the middle of winter. So this was definitely just child's play and way fun for me. :)
I even put a candle in the window and called it my hope candle. :P
Anyway, just a random post, since I haven't blogged in a while (sorry). Not sure if anyone reads this, IF YOU DO YOU SHOULD COMMENT. :) Sometime at least.
Summer is awesome, I'm finally settling into my new routine instead of shooting up in my bed at 8am every Tuesday and Thursday morning thinking I'm late for class.
Hope summer is going well for the rest of you! Thanks for reading,
Happy Summer,
~Cassie
So we're driving down Hudson back to his apartment when suddenly we see a huge bright flash of light. At first we thought it was heat lightening, but we didn't think it felt very humid.
Suddenly all the stop lights went out and everything went black. According to Anthony, a transformer blew up over at the Power Plant, which is right next to his apartment complex.
We got to his apartment and started lighting the candles we'd just coincidentally bought. I went out on to the balcony where I started flashing my candle at all the other people on surrounding balconies who were holding flash lights and candles. It was pretty sweet.
Some guys in the building next to Anthony's were out on their balcony drunk and smoking pot. I chatted them up for a while, and they asked what I did tonight. I said that I'd just played my guitar and watched TV. Immediately, Shawn (one of the drunk guys who asked my first name and introduced himself. He started calling me Kum By Ya after I mentioned I played guitar) demanded I get my guitar out and play it. What the heck! So I did. :)
After a few minutes of playing and yelling hellos to other people who were walking around, out on their balconies or whatever, a chick comes out on the balcony next to ours and yells at me.
"Hey!"
Me: "What's up?"
Random Bitch: Some people have class in the morning and don't want to be kept up all night listening to someone play stupid campfire songs.
Me: Sorry...
PSH! Just because I'm playing my guitar out on a balcony under the stars with my candle by my feet does not make me a cowgirl playing campfire songs.
So I stopped, Anthony said he wanted to go blare his stereo after that, and Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum said "F*** that b**ch! Play it anyway! Screw her! Its a free country. I swear, if I could see your face now, Cassie, I'd ask you to marry me. You are f***ing awesome and your name sounds like the name of an angel. PLAY that guitar, don't be scared!...hey, do you have anything I can role this s**t up in?"
Hahahaha. :D Drunk people crack me up.
After that, Anthony and I went back inside because he was cold and watched four people playing Hide & Seek outside his window in the open community area (Anthony's apartment over looks the pool, volley ball court, picnic tables, grills, work out center, Welcome Center, etc. and you can see all but two of the other apartment buildings.
Downsides to the night: After I flushed the toilet, the bowl filled with rusty water. Ewwwww....dunno if the faucet is like that too since I didn't run it long enough to find out.
Otherwise, it was a good night, definitely entertaining. :D I love stuff like power outages. They don't bother me, even though Anthony was freaking about the food a little. I blew it off because all I could think about was how we were in town, not the country, and how my family had been without power for a week and a half in the middle of winter. So this was definitely just child's play and way fun for me. :)
I even put a candle in the window and called it my hope candle. :P
Anyway, just a random post, since I haven't blogged in a while (sorry). Not sure if anyone reads this, IF YOU DO YOU SHOULD COMMENT. :) Sometime at least.
Summer is awesome, I'm finally settling into my new routine instead of shooting up in my bed at 8am every Tuesday and Thursday morning thinking I'm late for class.
Hope summer is going well for the rest of you! Thanks for reading,
Happy Summer,
~Cassie
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Whimsical Fireflies
I recently remembered these jars when I was going through my iPhoto album, "A Dream Wedding". In it, I had saved a picture of mason jars hanging from tree branches with candles in them. I was suddenly reminded of beautiful colored jars of different shapes and sizes, whimsically lighting up a dock and hanging from wires.
Dying to find them once again, I started to google. I went thr
ough all the magazines I could think of that might sell something similar online: L.L. Bean, J.Jill., J. Crew, and then suddenly I remembered Anthropologie.
Sure enough, after some searching I found them: The moon garden votive, jam jar by Anthropologie.
I am still in love. I adore these, I want them all. They used to be only $4 on Anthropologie's website, but they are no longer selling them. :(
Does anyone know where to find something similar? Or another site that might sell the same ones, like Amazon, or eBay? Please let me know!
I want to use them someday for my wedding do to something like this:
I love the picture on the left with the jars hanging from what looks like twine with little votive candles inside. I also love the table setting in the small thumb nail to the left of the wedding dress, where they are shown hanging as lanterns from the trees and lighting the tables.
Just thought I'd share! :)
~Cassie
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Moments Captured Through A Lens
By the way, Nate and Alli's wedding went beautifully.
For pictures, you can look at these links from Lukas VanDyke's website:
Engagement photos: http://www.lukasvandyke.com/?p=4345
Wedding photos and slide show: http://www.lukasvandyke.com/?p=4351
Lukas and Suzy did such a wonderful job! Beautiful pictures that captured the moments and characters perfectly. :) I think I may fly them back here for whenever I get married to do my photos!
There were many tears, especially from me, but also a lot of joyful laughter and prayers. The whole wedding was blessed and the presence of friends for such a glorious celebration was unforgettable.
I cried as we prayed over Alli before getting in line, got it together to go down the aisle, cried when Alli walked down the aisle and Dad gave her away, cried while Nate and Alli spoke their written vows to one another, and cried and laughed as I hugged them both afterward. I thought I'd cried all I could cry, so when I got up at the reception to give my toast, I was sure I had it all together, good to go! Nope. I lost it even worse than during the wedding, ending with a tearful smile. :P Apparently, not only did I make my dad cry with my toast and tears, but other guests as well, haha.
Alli and Nate had a wonderful and eventful ( ;) ) honeymoon and took a few pictures. While they were gone their bible study group came and finished their house so that they would be able to move in right away and not have to stay at our parents house their first night back. They slept on an air mattress for a while until Alli got her bed moved over. She's been by every day the past week to collect her things randomly, and from what I've heard, she's having a fun time decorating her house and being a wife. I haven't seen the house since its had furniture in it, but when I do, I'll be sure to snap some pictures to share with all of you. :)
So, there's an update on the happy newlyweds, and an update on my life in the post prior to this one. :)
To brighter days,
~Cassie
For pictures, you can look at these links from Lukas VanDyke's website:
Engagement photos: http://www.lukasvandyke.com/?p=4345
Wedding photos and slide show: http://www.lukasvandyke.com/?p=4351
Lukas and Suzy did such a wonderful job! Beautiful pictures that captured the moments and characters perfectly. :) I think I may fly them back here for whenever I get married to do my photos!
There were many tears, especially from me, but also a lot of joyful laughter and prayers. The whole wedding was blessed and the presence of friends for such a glorious celebration was unforgettable.
I cried as we prayed over Alli before getting in line, got it together to go down the aisle, cried when Alli walked down the aisle and Dad gave her away, cried while Nate and Alli spoke their written vows to one another, and cried and laughed as I hugged them both afterward. I thought I'd cried all I could cry, so when I got up at the reception to give my toast, I was sure I had it all together, good to go! Nope. I lost it even worse than during the wedding, ending with a tearful smile. :P Apparently, not only did I make my dad cry with my toast and tears, but other guests as well, haha.
Alli and Nate had a wonderful and eventful ( ;) ) honeymoon and took a few pictures. While they were gone their bible study group came and finished their house so that they would be able to move in right away and not have to stay at our parents house their first night back. They slept on an air mattress for a while until Alli got her bed moved over. She's been by every day the past week to collect her things randomly, and from what I've heard, she's having a fun time decorating her house and being a wife. I haven't seen the house since its had furniture in it, but when I do, I'll be sure to snap some pictures to share with all of you. :)
So, there's an update on the happy newlyweds, and an update on my life in the post prior to this one. :)
To brighter days,
~Cassie
Random Eloquence
Hey guys, I don't know if anybody reads this but I realize that I haven't posted anything in a while. I deeply apologize! Life has been kind of crazy with school and finals week coming up. Trying to keep my head above water! Prayers would be greatly appreciated since some of my classes are pretty difficult and I'm barely pulling through. I'm most worried about my East Asian Cultures class because it involves so much foreign information, dates, names, and traditions that I have to reproduce from memory without notes.
I'm also having trouble with Art Appreciation. As much as I enjoy that class (we basically just look at slides of art and read about them in our books then have tests over them), its hard to remember the eccentric names of the artists, their art, and what time period or style they represent.
*sigh*
Help.
_____
In other news:
So a friend of mine was having a bad day the other day and posted a status on her Facebook saying "Seriously, screw life". For some reason, I felt compelled to comment. At first I was going to be short and sweet, but ended up having the longest comment on her status.
Here's what I wrote:
Seriously, lighten up. Life could be so much worse. Think of the people in Africa, who are starving. All those children who are malnourished, who don't have clean water or food. We are so lucky. Also, we have Jesus, and a lot of people don't even know about Him. You have friends, family, you're able to go to school and learn. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you to do whatever you want and to fulfill your dreams. The whole world is practically wrapped around our fingers. You have freedom, when others are persecuted and under the hold of Communism.
Life isn't so bad if you look for the silver linings. You're entitled to bad days, to be an Eeyore every now and then, but really, in comparison you have it pretty easy. To say "Screw life" is to basically slap God in the face for everything He's blessed you with, including your life.
Just sayin'. If its people that you're upset at, then screw them. Not life. You have control over your relationships: whether you choose to keep those people in your life, or push them out. Life itself has nothing to do with it.
Sometimes I feel so eloquent. :D Just thought I'd share this with you. :)
Look for brighter days,
~Cassie
I'm also having trouble with Art Appreciation. As much as I enjoy that class (we basically just look at slides of art and read about them in our books then have tests over them), its hard to remember the eccentric names of the artists, their art, and what time period or style they represent.
*sigh*
Help.
_____
In other news:
So a friend of mine was having a bad day the other day and posted a status on her Facebook saying "Seriously, screw life". For some reason, I felt compelled to comment. At first I was going to be short and sweet, but ended up having the longest comment on her status.
Here's what I wrote:
Seriously, lighten up. Life could be so much worse. Think of the people in Africa, who are starving. All those children who are malnourished, who don't have clean water or food. We are so lucky. Also, we have Jesus, and a lot of people don't even know about Him. You have friends, family, you're able to go to school and learn. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you to do whatever you want and to fulfill your dreams. The whole world is practically wrapped around our fingers. You have freedom, when others are persecuted and under the hold of Communism.
Life isn't so bad if you look for the silver linings. You're entitled to bad days, to be an Eeyore every now and then, but really, in comparison you have it pretty easy. To say "Screw life" is to basically slap God in the face for everything He's blessed you with, including your life.
Just sayin'. If its people that you're upset at, then screw them. Not life. You have control over your relationships: whether you choose to keep those people in your life, or push them out. Life itself has nothing to do with it.
Sometimes I feel so eloquent. :D Just thought I'd share this with you. :)
Look for brighter days,
~Cassie
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Trapped inside
Here's the thing with song writing:
Its harder than you think.
Do you ever have this feeling of a something building up inside of you, and you try so hard to put it into words or set it to music, but it never comes out right? Its slowly building and you just want to get it out of you, to express it, but every time you try, you mess it up? It comes out as cheesy meaningless lyrics that rhyme but don't justify this feeling. If you're a song writer, you'll know what I'm talking about.
I'm so impatient to get this song out of me. I know its going to be good, but its just so frustrating. Its been a while since I've written a really good song, my last one was "Halfway Without You", which as been my best song so far. The second best (in my opinion) is "Hands". However, everything I've written since then has been fluff and I've been unhappy with it.
I really want to make a CD, but I can't do that with two songs.
Here are my feelings:
Have you ever had that one person, or that one thing that no matter how bad things are, and even if there's 2 feet of snow on the ground, they make you feel like its summertime?
Also, have you ever felt like you're holding yourself back in a relationship, that you want to break free, and give that person every part of you, but somehow you can't? You have baggage, and its hard to get rid of. It doesn't matter how much you trust that person, or how much you may love them, you've got baggage you have to work through before you can honestly say that you're in 100 percent like they are. And it sucks because that one person has given you everything, and loves you more than life, and you just feel like you can't live up to that? Like you can't give them everything they've given you? Like no matter what you do, it will never be enough to make you feel like you're effectively loving them back?
And have you ever felt like your view of love is warped? What does love look like? And shouldn't it be obvious to the world that you are in it with someone? Shouldn't people be able to look at you and see that glow? Or is that just a myth? Is there something more you should be doing?
Do you ever notice that everybody hides behind a smile? That when people walk alone, they usually look at the ground? Everybody says that eyes are windows into the soul, and we all try to shut everyone out because we don't want them to be able to hurt us or be shunned by what they see, and then we forget how to show who we really are, because we've actually forgotten who we really are, because we've been hiding ourselves for so long.
Is love really what everyone needs? How do you describe that feeling? The one universal thing that connects everyone? What are people striving for in life? Is it really world peace? Or is it just the desperate desire to love and feel loved and accepted?
These are just a few of many feelings and thoughts that are running through my mind and heart. I can't tell if it will be all one song, or several. And I can't seem to figure out how to get it out. I suppose I'll just have to be patient and wait it out until I wake up at 3am with an epiphany and write the song(s) out in one night. But its hard to wait.
Maybe that could be a song too: The impatience and anxious and frustrated feeling of waiting to find the only effective way to express your being.
But just so you know, whoever you are, being a song writer is a torturous burden that is very fulfilling once you've conquered that feeling.
Its harder than you think.
Do you ever have this feeling of a something building up inside of you, and you try so hard to put it into words or set it to music, but it never comes out right? Its slowly building and you just want to get it out of you, to express it, but every time you try, you mess it up? It comes out as cheesy meaningless lyrics that rhyme but don't justify this feeling. If you're a song writer, you'll know what I'm talking about.
I'm so impatient to get this song out of me. I know its going to be good, but its just so frustrating. Its been a while since I've written a really good song, my last one was "Halfway Without You", which as been my best song so far. The second best (in my opinion) is "Hands". However, everything I've written since then has been fluff and I've been unhappy with it.
I really want to make a CD, but I can't do that with two songs.
Here are my feelings:
Have you ever had that one person, or that one thing that no matter how bad things are, and even if there's 2 feet of snow on the ground, they make you feel like its summertime?
Also, have you ever felt like you're holding yourself back in a relationship, that you want to break free, and give that person every part of you, but somehow you can't? You have baggage, and its hard to get rid of. It doesn't matter how much you trust that person, or how much you may love them, you've got baggage you have to work through before you can honestly say that you're in 100 percent like they are. And it sucks because that one person has given you everything, and loves you more than life, and you just feel like you can't live up to that? Like you can't give them everything they've given you? Like no matter what you do, it will never be enough to make you feel like you're effectively loving them back?
And have you ever felt like your view of love is warped? What does love look like? And shouldn't it be obvious to the world that you are in it with someone? Shouldn't people be able to look at you and see that glow? Or is that just a myth? Is there something more you should be doing?
Do you ever notice that everybody hides behind a smile? That when people walk alone, they usually look at the ground? Everybody says that eyes are windows into the soul, and we all try to shut everyone out because we don't want them to be able to hurt us or be shunned by what they see, and then we forget how to show who we really are, because we've actually forgotten who we really are, because we've been hiding ourselves for so long.
Is love really what everyone needs? How do you describe that feeling? The one universal thing that connects everyone? What are people striving for in life? Is it really world peace? Or is it just the desperate desire to love and feel loved and accepted?
These are just a few of many feelings and thoughts that are running through my mind and heart. I can't tell if it will be all one song, or several. And I can't seem to figure out how to get it out. I suppose I'll just have to be patient and wait it out until I wake up at 3am with an epiphany and write the song(s) out in one night. But its hard to wait.
Maybe that could be a song too: The impatience and anxious and frustrated feeling of waiting to find the only effective way to express your being.
But just so you know, whoever you are, being a song writer is a torturous burden that is very fulfilling once you've conquered that feeling.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Cheese Puffs, Cucumber Sandwiches and Honey Joys.
A few of my favorite hors d'oeuvres to make, and all are fairly easy!
http://simplyrecipes.com/recipes/cheddar_cheese_puffs/
The Cucumber Sandwiches turned out just the way I wanted them to.
Honey Joys. Delicious, easy to make and the right amount of sweet! Simple and delicious!
Basically, you bring 3tbs butter, 2 tbs sugar and 1 tsb honey to a boil, boil it for about 1-2 minutes until its a frothy mixture, turn off the heat and then mix in 6 cups of Cornflakes. I bake them at various temps, depending on the hurry I'm in. I was in a big hurry tonight, and since the oven was already preheated at 450 from the Cheese Puffs, I threw them in and baked them for 10 minutes/until golden brown. :) You let them cool for about 5 minutes to allow the mixture to cool, sticking everything together!
Recipe:
5-6 cups Cornflakes
3 Tbs Butter
2 Tbs Sugar
1 Tbs Honey
Preheat oven between 325-450.
Mix butter, sugar and honey in a large pan on High heat all while stirring constantly. Bring to a boil, turn heat down slightly to avoid burning, and continue to stir constantly until mixture is frothy. Turn off heat and immediately dump all the cornflakes in. Mix cornflakes and sweet sauce all together until cornflakes are evenly covered. This usually takes about 2 minutes. You want all the cornflake to be lightly glazed so that they will stick together.
Spoon mixture evenly into cupcake papers in a cupcake pan(s). Bake for 10-15 minutes or until golden brown (cornflakes are already golden, but when done, tips should be darker). Remove from the oven and allow Honey Joys to cool for approx. 10 minutes. If you do not allow cooling time, the Honey Joys will 1. Be too hot and 2. Will fall apart if you try to take them out of the pan.
Serve immediately for best results. Are good for a few days (at least a week). No need to refrigerate.
Enjoy! :)
_____
I will probably post this recipe again with process photos at some point.
~C.
http://simplyrecipes.com/recipes/cheddar_cheese_puffs/
The Cucumber Sandwiches turned out just the way I wanted them to.
Honey Joys. Delicious, easy to make and the right amount of sweet! Simple and delicious!Basically, you bring 3tbs butter, 2 tbs sugar and 1 tsb honey to a boil, boil it for about 1-2 minutes until its a frothy mixture, turn off the heat and then mix in 6 cups of Cornflakes. I bake them at various temps, depending on the hurry I'm in. I was in a big hurry tonight, and since the oven was already preheated at 450 from the Cheese Puffs, I threw them in and baked them for 10 minutes/until golden brown. :) You let them cool for about 5 minutes to allow the mixture to cool, sticking everything together!Recipe:
5-6 cups Cornflakes
3 Tbs Butter
2 Tbs Sugar
1 Tbs Honey
Preheat oven between 325-450.
Mix butter, sugar and honey in a large pan on High heat all while stirring constantly. Bring to a boil, turn heat down slightly to avoid burning, and continue to stir constantly until mixture is frothy. Turn off heat and immediately dump all the cornflakes in. Mix cornflakes and sweet sauce all together until cornflakes are evenly covered. This usually takes about 2 minutes. You want all the cornflake to be lightly glazed so that they will stick together.
Spoon mixture evenly into cupcake papers in a cupcake pan(s). Bake for 10-15 minutes or until golden brown (cornflakes are already golden, but when done, tips should be darker). Remove from the oven and allow Honey Joys to cool for approx. 10 minutes. If you do not allow cooling time, the Honey Joys will 1. Be too hot and 2. Will fall apart if you try to take them out of the pan.
Serve immediately for best results. Are good for a few days (at least a week). No need to refrigerate.
Enjoy! :)
_____
I will probably post this recipe again with process photos at some point.
~C.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Counting The Days!
Yesterday morning was Alli's last bridal shower. It took place at Valley Lutheran High School on Greenhill in the music room, and close friends and family were present. Nate was also able to make it for the first half. :)
Nate telling the story of how he surprised Alli with his proposal. :)
Sharing a laugh. :)
After introducing the to-be bride and groom, we went on to games. There were four contests, held with the moms (Sharon, me and Alli's mom, and Shelly, Nate's mom) against Alli and Nate.
Contest 1: Dusting. - Each team must spray a cleaning rag with Orange Cleaning spray and dust each object thoroughly.
Contest 2: Folding Laundry - Each team must fold the assorted laundry in their basket. Laundry must be neat and sorted.
Here, Allison is defending her right to first place by showing off how she has put her past retailing skills to good use in this contest. :P
Contest 3: Folding sheets - Each team must end up with a complete set. Here, Mom and Alli fight over a sheet to complete their set. :D
Shelly: "DONE!!!"
Contest 4: Make a sack lunch - each team must prepare and pack a sack lunch. Each bag must contain 12 pringle chips, carrot sticks, apple slices, and a PB&J sandwich.
Judges Sarah Doering and Aunt Kay keep eyes out as onlookers crane their heads.
Aunt Diana inspecting Nate and Allison's sandwich...it looks like it got sat on.
Comparing. Moms' look yummy!
Contest 5: Cleaning windows. All four panes must be cleaned with orange clean spray. No streaks!
The happy winners!
A hungry fiancé.
Grandma Helen Christensen, Aunt Kay, and Mom
Jeanice, a family babysitter who babysat all of us kids from when we were babies. Here, she is showing pictures Alli growing up.
Aunt Carol sharing some words of advice paired with Bible verses.
Shelly shares some words of advice as well. Then dedicates a song to them that she plays on her laptop that portrays her hopes.
Unity.
A group prayer.
The goodies!
A hungry bride-to-be!
Opening gifts!
Towels to match the kitchen!
There was an ongoing commentary about how cute the bag was, nobody seemed to care what was inside. :P
A crock-pot!
Thanking everyone. :)
Checking out the ring!
So pretty!
More pictures on my Facebook! Check out the whole album: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/profile.php?ref=profile&id=1180260008
~C.
Nate telling the story of how he surprised Alli with his proposal. :)
Sharing a laugh. :)After introducing the to-be bride and groom, we went on to games. There were four contests, held with the moms (Sharon, me and Alli's mom, and Shelly, Nate's mom) against Alli and Nate.
Contest 1: Dusting. - Each team must spray a cleaning rag with Orange Cleaning spray and dust each object thoroughly.
Contest 2: Folding Laundry - Each team must fold the assorted laundry in their basket. Laundry must be neat and sorted.
Here, Allison is defending her right to first place by showing off how she has put her past retailing skills to good use in this contest. :P
Contest 3: Folding sheets - Each team must end up with a complete set. Here, Mom and Alli fight over a sheet to complete their set. :D
Shelly: "DONE!!!"
Contest 4: Make a sack lunch - each team must prepare and pack a sack lunch. Each bag must contain 12 pringle chips, carrot sticks, apple slices, and a PB&J sandwich.Judges Sarah Doering and Aunt Kay keep eyes out as onlookers crane their heads.
Aunt Diana inspecting Nate and Allison's sandwich...it looks like it got sat on.
Comparing. Moms' look yummy!
Contest 5: Cleaning windows. All four panes must be cleaned with orange clean spray. No streaks!
The happy winners!
A hungry fiancé.
Grandma Helen Christensen, Aunt Kay, and Mom
Jeanice, a family babysitter who babysat all of us kids from when we were babies. Here, she is showing pictures Alli growing up.
Aunt Carol sharing some words of advice paired with Bible verses.
Shelly shares some words of advice as well. Then dedicates a song to them that she plays on her laptop that portrays her hopes.
Unity.
A group prayer.
The goodies!
A hungry bride-to-be!
Opening gifts!
Towels to match the kitchen!
There was an ongoing commentary about how cute the bag was, nobody seemed to care what was inside. :P
A crock-pot!
Thanking everyone. :)
Checking out the ring!
So pretty!
More pictures on my Facebook! Check out the whole album: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/profile.php?ref=profile&id=1180260008
~C.
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